This past week has been such a roller coaster week of emotions, duties, responsibilities on so many levels. I have wanted to write every day, but no time.
First, so thankful for the healing words of the Lord from my friend Calvin who assures me that the Lord has justified me and loves me and that I should follow His precepts which I have tried to do before and especially this week going forward. Sometimes, I realize I get a little zealous in my conversation from the every day to world events-last week was a biggie if you were watching Obama and Israel-to my own conversations and revelations from my Lord God and also from fellow bloggers. We don’t meet up ahead of time and all same we are going to blog on the same subject and have the same opinion but it happens over and over. And because we all are Christ followers led by the Spirit, I believe the Lord is speaking through all of us to the world, so as I said last week, Take Heed! All of us should be examining our lives to see if we can offer ourselves as living sacrifices to our Lord. And even as I say that, I am wondering if you know what I mean or what the Word means as it is written? Of course everyone knows what living is, but the dictionary defines sacrifice as the offering of something precious to deity; loss,deprivation. Ok , so I am offering my Precious self to my Lord-He says I am precious to Him. and then secondly, the loss and deprivation part: well, that’s exactly what nobody wants to do anymore. We want what we want, when we want it, how we want it; no doing without it, or waiting on it. No having it and losing it. All of this is one of His precepts for me, besides the trust factor! And guess what this is a hard one too! I am used to going and getting just what I want, when I want it. Now I am in a position where I can not do that in regards to physical possessions. But I have found that even in regards to those that I can have, I am really careful and selective now. I ask myself, what do I really need? Not just want? And I have found that as I am faithful to Him in the small things, He is so faithful to me in the BIG things. Just this week, one more time I was amazed at the overwhelming care of people for my needs that I truly had no expectation of except advice, not tangible help–but even the way that it was given, with such love and care and assurance, it alone brings you to your knees. Thank you Father!!
Second roller coaster was finding out that the gamma globulin that I get monthly for my immunity disorder does have a very rare side effect. Guess what it is? yep, you got it! Clots! And here, supposedly, I have had 2 in the first year of taking it! Of course, now the doctor can not raise my dosage either as he was going to do because I have continued to catch the bacterial infections, virus’, and mold infections that come with this immunity. so what to do? After talking and prayer, we are going to ask to be taken off of the drug. We will consult with both the MS neurologist and the immunologist who both have said this side effect is so rare , but then neither of them know me very well yet, do they? I was also supposed start testing in April for food and drug allergies because for months now I have been waking up with severe itching and hives. It started off that I could just take a couple of Benadryl tablets and go back to sleep but now I usually awaken 2 or 3 hours later and have to take more. Not good. Last night, I tried an experiment. I didn’t take anything except my Coumadin. “that’s the blood thinner I ‘ve been on since last July when I had that embolism–and yes I’ve been itching at least that long.” And sure enough, here it came, very strongly last night. so here is another one to talk to the doc about. Finding out I have sticky blood wasn’t the greatest thing either, but it certainly explained a lot of things-the multiple miscarriages and the tendancy to make clots. Lots of up and down emotional moments in the decisions, in the new knowledge, in the gratefulness for the new knowledge.
And then there was Joyful Joyce! Joyce Zahner was the 85 year old mom of my half/way adopted sister Julie. Julie is the same age as the sister who lives in Orlando and has done so much for me and with me. She and Julie were inseparable from the moment they met and their friendship has stood the test of time. And to me, Julie was a little sister and then a friend and babysitter for my two children when they were little before I married my husband. So the Zahners have been in my life, one way or another since I was 16. In the years past when we were visiting in Atlanta, we were often invited out to Julie’s house where she lives with her 2 children and great husband and very often Joyce would be there too. Over the years, Joyce began the same decline that my mother did. She had dementia. It was hard for her as she had been a very smart professional woman. But Joyce never dwelt on circumstances, she drew from within that joy that only comes from the Lord and had peace as she drifted more and more into another realm. She always had a smile on her face. She always was telling you she loved you and you knew that she meant it. And then on her 85th birthday, not long ago, God did a wonderful thing-a little extra birthday present-He gave her a day of clarity. How wonderful that was! And most of it captured on video to be visited and revisited time and time again. At the end of it all, Joyce let her family know that she knew she was going home to her Savior soon.She was tired and so she was ready. She was very careful to give her last instructions about her grandchildren to her daughter whom she loved so much-holding her face between her hands, looking her in the eye and speaking! How very, very precious is that? How amazing is our God to know that we still need our moms to tell us stuff, important stuff? And we all know that after months and years of decline with less and less moments of clarity–to be given a DAY!! Our God is such a Loving FATHER and He Knows Just What We Need.
On Saturday, March 16th at 11:45 am, Joyful Joyce went home. This past Thursday and Friday there were joyous celebrations of her life at two churches that we attended. I am very sure that Joyce was watching and laughing and smiling as we all talked of our memories of Joyce. And I am sure too that she would have loved the message of hope and salvation given by the pastors and by the family and friends through the scriptures read and the testimonies given that faith and hope and love were so important to Joyce. Of course, Joyce was warmly welcomed by so many friends in heaven, my parents among them. I am sure they are all up there telling there stories about all of us.
The glory in all of this to me is that God was so kind to me to let me experience growing up in a family that taught me faith-whether I embraced it or not immediately-I KNEW what was true. He has surrounded me throughout my life with family and friends who love me and whom I love dearly. And now he has placed me back home to be in the middle of them. I say perfect timing, Lord! Thank you!
Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know that plans I have for you , declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with your whole heart.