A New Award That I Don’t Deserve!

Very Inspiring Award
Very Inspiring Award

This award was given to me in January!!! I was thrilled and wrote what you see below. The only problem was doing the the rules that go along side of the award. So I thought I would just save it for a day or so till I felt better and as you all know, things got only crazier. Until I was going through the dashboard last night and cleaning up a bit, did I find this sweet award from my dear Cheryl (please forgive me) so here it is Cheryl. Thank you so much. You also inspire me!

“Cindy, I nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award because you know what trials and tribulations are about, and still you glorify the Lord. You have no idea, but as I have been suffering with chronic (constant) back and leg pain, your testimonies have been an encouragement and an inspiration for me. I think to myself, “If God can do that for her, He can surely do it for me too.” Thank you Cindy!”

Let me tell you why I don’t deserve this award or even an award for when I was in the hospital with meningitis. I have so tired of hurting! and so tired of hospitals! and blood tests, xrays, MRIs, any and all thing that test a person in some way!!I know I have to do my blood test in the morning. I have put it off the last 2 days. No reason, just didn’t think about it till I’d had coffee with a lot cream, etc. Pretty much since I came home from Atlanta, I have been sidelined with this sciatica-and oh yes! have I complained! Loudly and long to the Lord and my husband had heard it! I still have leftover issues from the meningitis. I didn’t know that it could mess with you cognitive abilities-certainly not for so long, but now that I have spoken to other survivors, I’ve found that this is pretty common. One of my nurse friends today urged me to see my doctor. So I will this Friday-when I had been considering canceling it since I have a new deductible to cover! This is one of those ‘keep you posted kind of things’

So you can see for yourself  how undeserving I am  and yet, exactly why our Lord allows the suffering-so that I will understand completely and utterly the suffering of the other person. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut and just bear it-but sometimes like this time it was too hard. Cheryl, I should have shared it and then you would have shared also and maybe there are others who suffer in the same way? I intend to find a solution. I hurt too much to live like this for long..much less 102!! what are you thinking? Besides our Lord Jesus is coming back before then. I am sure of that.  So here it is April instead of January and again so much has happened. The Lord is still teaching me, I am still learning. He is still bringing people to me to share with and that is exciting. The more people who come into the Kingdom of God the faster we bring Jesus to get us! And with the headlines as they are, it can not be too soon.

OK  enough, here’s for fun!

Acknowledge person who has given you the Award.  Miss Cheryl “Burningfireshutupinmybones”

The Award logo should be placed in the post.  it is

I have to include 7 things about myself  what don’t you know?                                                                                                                                                   1 I spent a couple of summers on a real farm-my grandma’s she raised cotton and tobacco
I’m not ready for grey hair/can you tell?                                                                                                                                                                                       3  I have to watch my mobile minutes super close every month and just barely make it!                                                                                                    4  I am the oldest of 6, being 17 when the youngest was born, a unique perspective                                                                                                                    5  I don’t like chocolate by itself-Great with p’nut butter though!                                                                                                                                                     6  My husband has spoiled me rotten-he takes such great care of me                                                                                                                                               7  Unless you’ve gone back into the archives, you don’t know that I used to be a ‘wild woman” loved fast roller coasters, fast dancing, would  have loved bungy jumping if they had invented it before my neck had to be fused. I was always the kid you didn’t dare.                                                                                                              

Nominate (although 15 is suggested I will nominate 8 as I have nominated several previously, but it’s been awhile since I did this, so these are people that lately have inspired me…in no particular order

http://TotheAssemblywithLove.wordpress.com, http://VesselofGod.wordpress.com,http://mychristiancoffeehouse.wordpress.com, http://possesshispromises.wordpress.com,http://aviesplace.wordpress.com,http://tellGodthankyou.wordpress.com,http://lilliessparrows&grass.wordpress.com, http://forhisgloryandpraise.wordpress.com

   The nominees should be advised on their site.

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I AM VERY TOUCHED AT THE OUTPOURING OF YOUR LOVE AND PRAYERS

Thank you Diane for letting everyone know I was in the hospital again. It does seem like my second home, doesn’t it?  but everyone should remember that the LORD HIMSELF said that when He brought me to the hospital, it was to do His work, and surprisingly I was able to accomplish that. Again, because of Him!

Friday morning I woke up and my left side didn’t work. I couldn’t communicate with my husband except that when I got his attention he could see he had to get me to the ER immediately. He dressed me in a sweat suit, socks and shoes and then half carried me down the hall to the elevator and then to the car. We are only about 10 minutes from the hospital and again, he half carried me in to a wheelchair. As soon as he said, “I think my wife has had a stroke”, the  nurse took over and said come right this way-there was no name, no insurance-just let us help you. It turns out that this hospital is a Stroke Hospital. And from that moment on everything was done to diagnose and contain any damage. It was the most amazing thing. As I lay there on the table realizing that I couldn’t communicate… That I couldn’t smile correctly-that essentially my left side of my face was frozen-not working… That my left hand, I could move my hand, but not really do much with it and as far as my foot was concerned, it failed all the tests…I started really talking to my Father. I told Him that this simply wouldn’t do. I couldn’t stay like this. He either needed to come and get me or He needed to heal me. That to not be able to work would be a catastrophe for us in every way. I truly was ready for Him to come and get me-but He began to remind me of all of the reasons He had brought me to Atlanta and the need of my husband for me as well. So I talked right back and said ok-yes I want to live up to my responsibilities, but I need healing to do so. I can’t do the work you have given me to do in the state I am in now. He reminded me of what He had been saying all week the last week–follow my precepts. Ok, so what have I not done? Where has my heart failed you?…I didn’t get an answer to that…just ringing in my ears was follow me. They checked me into a room of course and told me that I was going to be very busy…and I was. I had people lined up to see me; a physical therapist, speech therapist, rehabilitation specialist, nutritionist–I am sure there were more. When they were all gone, I took a nap. I was exhausted! But when my husband came to see me that night, he could understand my speech; I could walk with the walker; I could sign my name…all huge improvements from just that morning!  

The next day was more of the same; only more tests too. The tests they did, like the echo cardio-gram, I’ve had them before, but they add a bubble test to it. It seems that  30% of the population is walking around with a small hole in their hearts that didn’t heal from birth and sometimes a little teeny clot pops through that hole and goes straight up to the head. I had  NEVER heard of that before! Again one more thing about being in Atlanta! I knew this was a God thing!  

After that test, they sent me down to Xray. Guess who I met? Yes!! The reason I was there! A young lady who was ill with an autoimmune disease just like me, in pain like I have been, who wanted to and almost did commit suicide. I told ya’ll that I had had that fleeting thought when I was in such horrible pain before so I do understand, but I could not. Still here was a person who had gone almost there, except for the grace of God and probably protective angels around her. I shared with her extensively and she with me. Never have I had that kind of time with someone in radiology-but it was obvious that God was giving us this time and I made the most of it. Pray for her. You don’t need to know her name. God knows it. She still has issues to settle as I did. WHY? is a big one.

When I got back to my room, my doctor came in and said they had the results of the MRI that they had done and had compared them with the MRIs I had from Tampa that we had gotten for them. They needed to do another test because it looked like I have a tiny little aneurysm 2cm and they wanted to confirm it and make sure it wasn’t just a wonky artery. One more test that required a new IV which are very difficult for me. I have terrible veins especially where t hey needed this one to be. I blew 3 veins before we got one to hold long enough for the test. Still it blew at the end of it! The next morning I saw a new doctor. He is a neurosurgeon. If I had had my glasses on, I guess I would have known something of what he was going to tell me.  Yes, I have a little aneurysm, but the good news is (I think) that it is not big enough to operate on; so they will watch it and scan it on a regular basis. As for the problems that I have when I turn my neck a certain way, I probably cut off the circulation due to my numerous neck surgeries, hardware, and possible degeneration of the discs. I should have it checked by the neurologist, along with the other symptoms we discussed which would require a spinal tap-again, check with the neurologist. The only thing a neurosurgeon does in this town is operate, I guess. Still, he didn’t poo-poo anything. He gave it serious consideration and said this is how that is tested. Do this. I appreciate that greatly. Again God put us in Atlanta just in time for this special care that I could not get in Tampa. He is always going before us and preparing the way. How could anyone not love and worship a Heavenly Father like this?

This was Sunday morning that I got all this news. I was sitting in bed waiting for my admitting doc to come and discharge me when the cleaning lady came in. She asked if she could come in, I said yes, of course. I was doing something. I can’t remember, but all of a sudden she said,”What size shoes are these? They must be a 2 or a 3 or something!They are so small!  Your feet must be so tiny!” I looked over at her and I said”No I wear a 7. My feet aren’t so tiny.” But then I went on to say something about my sisters and mothers feet being larger-my mother wore a 9 and so did this woman. As soon as I said something about my mom, I just had words to say about who and what she was that God gave me and the woman stopped and listened and then she was crying. She said,” when they told me that I had to work this floor today, I was so upset, because it’s always a full floor and a hard one to work. But then I thought oh be grateful for your job-just make the best of it.  And I did try hard to do that, but then I get here to your room and I hear what you have to say and I know that YOU are the reason I have this floor today. Thanks for sharing with me. It’s made the difference in my life now. thank you.”

None of you can imagine just how I felt at hearing those words.  INADEQUATE, UNWORTHY, GUILTY. You know why I felt them. I had cried to the Lord, complained at the unfairness of it all, again. I tried to tell her that , but she wouldn’t hear any of it. She was grateful, I should be too and that was the end of it. So I am going to try! Today the Lord answered in a wonderfully positive way a question about my boss and me because we went about our ways honestly without deception as He has commanded us to do. I think that was also a sign that He is going to do great things business wise for me again if I will keep His precepts, following His ways, His laws, His every command and wish to me. And truly remembering what Jesus has done for me personally on  that cross how could I do anything less?  Truly I believe I will be completely restored to the abilities I had before the stroke, but hopefully not the person…hopefully this person, me, has learned an important and invaluable lesson in trusting the Lord. Really that is what all my “adventures” seem to be about, don’t they?

Still Trusting-And For So Much More Now!

My world has changed  since I last wrote!  First my husband came in my office last week and said he was ready to move to Atlanta!! Now for those of you who do not know me or my background, I moved to Atlanta at age 16, not very happily but eventually it was home. Then in my early to mid 30’s  in 1984 it was,  we moved to Tampa. I was very happy with the move. My parents lived in Orlando and I could see about them regularly. I loved the weather and overall we have done pretty well here. However our children went home to Tampa after college and now that is where my grandchildren are. I am learning every day how short life really is and those precious moments that I could be with them, I’ve been here out of fear in some cases, because I believe I have some extraordinary doctors taking care of me and have wondered how in the world I would replace them. Of course, my Abba Father has brought this to my attention-the lack  of faith on my part that He wouldn’t help me identify the right doctors to take care of me there. And as for the cold, well, I can dress for it. But it is an easy trade to be with my girls-all of them!!

We talked about moving two or three years ago, but at that time, my husband still had that double machine in his chest and was still in a lot of pain and the cold made it worse. So after all of my plans with my wonderful boss, we scrapped it all and stayed.  And of course with the craziness of my body this past 2 years I guess this is where God wanted me to be.  Still, I am very thankful that I can work out arrangements  to continue to work for Gary and MRI, stay insured and widen my client base. I believe I can resurrect some old clients. I was just speaking with 2 of those very special ladies I did work for 10 and 11 years ago for the first time last week. It was pretty thrilling to me to be so well remembered.

Of course we can not leave until next July1 when our lease is up. I know that sounds like such a long time! But  to us and especially to my husband who will bear the brunt of the packing up and the putting back in order this lovely villa just the way we found it, he will need every day of every month that we have!  We have so loved it here. I was planning on seeing if we could sign up for 2 more years right after Christmas, so you can imagine my big surprise! But how lovely a surprise. NOW MS. DIANE, I don’t have to be the little bit jealous of you that I was with your move. I could certainly understand it. I too will be limited in how much I can do or help. which leads me to my second surprise. And this one isn’t so pleasant. I had more of what I would call a seizure coming home from church today. My husband was driving, I had started to say something, but all of a sudden my neck got rigid and my head was turning back and forth and I was saying with difficulty no, not , no, not. My right hand was holding on to the door handle-I thought if I let go of it, my arm would go flying. I don’t know that, that would be true, it was just a feeling.  This went on for a full minute-to a minute and half and now stands as the weirdest thing  that has ever happened to me. A couple of things I did notice and have continued having pain and just weird feeling with is my neck. Especially if I have it tilted down to read or I am paying attention to my hands on the keyboard too long. What I had alluded to last week physically is that I am having some similar issues with my head like I did when I had those tumors back in 2009. I don’t know that this is a reoccurance, because my neck wasn’t involved at all then, and it definitely is now. So after speaking to a sub neurologist, mine was out of town. I will be making calls in the morning and hoping to get some testing done. What I would ask you dear friends is your prayers. There is nothing, absolutely nothing like having your friends and loved ones pray for you. This may come to nothing like in March–but I know it was worse, and harder on me and God forbid that I would have been driving.  So now I have a driver for awhile! So let’s hope and pray that someone will have some answers this time.

 I will try and keep up some regular posts to let you know what’s happening. I realized with Diane not well and moving how hard it was waiting to hear. So I will try and be good about it.

The previous post was written last night. I didn’t publish because I wanted to speak to my boss, my doctor and see what was up before I sent out such a disquieting post!  The bad news is that I had another episode this morning. And I still believe that my neck is somehow involved. We did go down and see my neurologist, but unfortunately, this is not her area of expertise. She had no ideas of what to tell me to do or who to see or even what basic tests could be run-which I can guess myself what 2 basic tests would be. So my surgeon referred me to another doctor right at end of the business day so I will have to call for an appt  tomorrow.. In the meantime, I am working carefully and asking the Lord to protect us, bless us, go before us.

AND THE LORD KEEPS HIS PROMISES!

Before I was afflicted, I went astray, but now I obey your word. You are good, and what you do is good; teach me  your decrees. ..  I keep your precepts with all my heart…I delight in your law. It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold…Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands. May those who fear you rejoice when they see me, for I have put my hope in your word.  Palm 119 67-74

I first wrote and underlined this passage in my Bible in June of 2011. I had just gotten home from the hospital after a bout with my asthma. This time the Lord did a lot of work while I was there. I have come home tired! He sold my sofa to one of the nurses and everywhere I turned there was someone to share with! My roommate, her husband, my nurses, even my student nurses. It really was glorious! And this was the scripture the Lord gave to me.

I know O Lord, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me. May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Let your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is your delight…I will mediate on your precepts…May my heart be blameless toward your decrees, that I may not be put to shame.

Then the Lord brought me back  there 2 months later. ..It seems I hadn’t been studying His precepts thoroughly enough, nor did I have an adult’s comprehension of the passage-just a child’s. So I prayed-and prayed that he would give me a hope that this feeling  would be understood as an adult. To that end, He started giving me passages on health. I always thought they were for someone else-more deserving-but on  August 26 of this year, I got a new scripture. I even told ya’ll not to get too excited! But I was excited-because it did seem for me as I could find nothing for anyone else! this time the scripture is from Jeremiah 17: 7-10,14-15

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, who confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.  The heart is deceitful  above all things and beyond cure who can understand it?  I, the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve…Heal me , O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved for you are the one I praise.  They keep saying to me, “Where is the word of the Lord ? Let it now be fulfilled” 

I first gave you those verses on August 18th and September 3rd. Then I was due for my Remecaid on September 14th.  Now these dates are important. USUALLY  by the week before the Remecaid is given, I have started hurting-not this time and certainly the week of, or absolutely, positively the week after. But as I write this, I don’t have any pain! Is that not the greatest thing in all the world?  So I would say that this is proof positive that the Lord God keeps His Promises! (now that I know this-there will be forth coming announcements)

A NEW AWARD!! READER APPRECIATION!!

 

AKA THE ENCOURAGEMENT AWARD

Many thanks http://writerwannabe763.wordpress. com

More On My Hospital Visit

I do have to start this post with thanking Our Father and God Almighty for His every little care: from being on a great wing of the hospital (they aren’t all great), having wonderful nurses and techs, and for the most part all those who were administering the testing. I have to thank my dear, sweet husband who made yet another trip to the ER, rushing to get there, only to sit for hours waiting on results and direction. And how hard it must be to hear me answer that yes, I have a living will and yes, I know what it all means. No, don’t re-start my heart. No, don’t resuscitate me. Why? the doctor asked. Because I will have gone home, I answered. But he didn’t get it. Of course he wasn’t my regular doctor-they all know how I feel and so does my family.  So what an incredible surprise I had when I saw my Orlando sister walk in the door Monday at lunch time! Oh no, He (God) wasn’t going to allow me any depression or discouragement . When I complained about not being able to get up and move around to talk to people, Marilou said The Lord will bring whomever He wishes to you–and He did. Enough that I was blessed and I think the people were blessed.

Over the course of the 4 days we discovered 3 completely different issues that I was suffering from–again, because it wasn’t obvious why a seizure or what kind of seizure-all the different kinds of tests were needed and I think the fact that other conditions were found just demonstrate the sovereignty of God, to make sure I got all the care I needed.

So this next week, we start the doctor office visits. The first one is with the immunologist. We are praying for antibodies! Who would have ever thought they’d be so important to me? But if I still have some left from the pneumonia vaccine I was given, I will get permission to go back on Remicaid! Woohoo! Still, all won’t be lost if I can’t. My new RA doc told me about a triple combo of drugs they can use-in fact always used before the new drugs like Remicaid or Embrel. So at least there is some kind of treatment for the disease. How I thank God for that. I guess I still haven’t read enough about the disease to have learned enough history. And what combo of pain meds they have me on now helps a lot-until the end of the 5 or 6 hr cycle that is!

Please pray on Tuesday for my orthopedic visit. This is for a second opinion. I don’t do this very often. I get referrals for my doctors and for the most part, have utmost confidence in them. But this year, after firing my RA doctor of 10 years, and the first new RA doctor after 2 visits, I have become a little more discerning (I hope) and since it’s me that’s hurting, a little more demanding. I am afraid I have a rotator cuff problem that has been made worse by physical therapy ordered by the first doctor.  So I am taking my xrays and going to see someone else and will probably get a scan this time too as I can not lift my arm up above my head or around my back, pull the car door shut, etc.   Then on Wednesday I see my neurologist for my lovely new helmet I get to wear for the week. Pray that there is some kind of explanation! But nothing that would take my drivers license away permanently!

And then pray for whoever God is sending my way who has gone through the same thing. Pray that their hearts are prepared for His Word, His Comfort, His Love. That’s the reason I can say, thank you Jesus for this new ailment (S) Just as you’ve instructed me to thank you in all things for this is the will of the Father concerning me. But don’t let go! I am holding on with my fingernails sometimes! Thank Goodness you have a strong right arm!  I love you, my Father and I do thank you again for my care this week and for answered prayer.

“I Know Exactly How You Feel!”

My favorite phrase these days, my validation for who I am and why I am living! But this is what God showed me last night and this morning: in Hebrews 4,  Jesus is the Great High Priest. And even though he has been through the heavens, Jesus is our high priest who can symphatize with our weaknesses-our every sin-because he was tempted as well-yet without sin. He also knows what it is to be cold, be hungry, be thirsty–whatever we are except without sin.

So when I am going through some trial physical or spiritual, Jesus can say to me.  “Oh Cindy, I know exactly how you feel! These are normal feelings, those are not-this is what the Father says about the trouble…” And then He proceeds to give me the comfort that I turn around and give to others, which is all II Corinthians 1:4. Isn’t that just the neatest thing?  Because I understood about His comfort. He has given me so much of it over the years. I don’t think I would have made it without it. But I had never seen Him as the Person going through everything that I was…yet he was.

I guess what I want to convey in this posting is the unlimited, overwhelming, incredible love that Jesus has for his own  that He would do this.  Over and over He’s told me how He love’s me and how  I need to trust him more-much more! And  of course I do trust Him and remind Him I have at least faith the size of a mustard seed! But how I want to grow it and mature myself  in Him. And of course, that means more prayer and Bible study! Thank you Jesus that you answered my heartfelt cry to make me want to study your word, to make me want to spend time with you. Now I have to work it out  to do my other required tasks because I would rather be here with you. Thank you.  On August 5, 2005 I prayed this prayer from Psalm 40:7-8  Then I said, “Here I am, I have come– it is written about in the scroll. I desire to do your will , O my God; your law is within my heart. A few days later,  I was in the hospital getting a cervical fusion and had a stroke. God used that time with me to teach me love and patience and gentleness-but it took this last year to learn to truly trust Him. I have written about some of these experiences-my hospitalization, losing my voice, getting a puppy to get me out of bed; but I just realized that I haven’t written about learning to trust Him.  Maybe He is not ready for me to write of it yet-because He directs my writing, maybe I don’t really trust Him enough yet. I think I do, but the Father knows all things and can certainly see my heart. Well, I am certain of one thing, eventually you will hear that story as well.