Just A Quick Note

Today I went back on my remicaid and of course it wasn’t a moment too soon. The Lord had been so good to me these last 3 months almost  being off of the methotrexate and  the remicaid and still not hurting as He promised! and now that I am healed of the bacteria C , it was simply time for me to go back on the medicines and my body told me so in no uncertain terms last night. So this morning I was really ready. My doctor came in and checked me and reassured himself e did not have any infections currently-but did remind me if I have a bad one come back and I have to stop again, he would want to change medications. Normally my procedures are 2 hours; this time it was 4 , they let it go in so slowly, but I did well and I am better but will not be pain free until the next  one in 6 weeks.

I do ask for prayer for tomorrow though. I see a new neurologist after my comedy of errors last week. I sincerely hope he can figure things out, take me seriously and between us decide on a course of treatment  and any needed testing…

It will be a long day just as today as been and I don’t have my strength back yet. Still I continue to love how our Lord brings people into my life to talk to everyday-to encourage or witness to, or just care for. Now I have a new one. her name is Sheila. Pray that I can find her steady transportation from Brooksville to Lutz every Thurs am thru May whenever the kids are out of school. She’s never been in such as study! and would love it, I am sure.

In His Name and for His Glory, I Live to Tell His Story


And now it has been a  week again! This time, except for a couple of Doctor appointments, I was in all week, but once again dealing with a bacterial infection. and not much   voice either, but God has beenvery plain spoken with me and I have read the most wonderful  scriptures and devotionals t hat were directed right to me in terms of trusting and of course faith.

I have not been given permission to share all of this yet. but I will share what  I can.

the last 2 -3 weeks have been very difficult physically, regardless of being on antibiotics. I have still had C Diff which is not any fun to have  even if you are on meds. and it was still August, my worst asthma month-it has felt like I have had it all month. Now it  is September and I am starting it off the same way!  And not only me, but I have watched as my family has been attacked. My sister’s husband started his chemo this week. Part of  the “cocktail” is Rituxin. He was on it 20 min, when he started reacting.;He had hives, then the nausea , then a small seizure–all of  this totally freaked both my sister and my brother in law out.And did I mention her youngest son had been out with a virus for most of the week, and her car engine blew something up to the tune  $900$ She called me while I was on the phone with my new BSF Bible teacher–so we immediately prayed.  Then my daughter called. She was on the way to the hospital with my 7  yr old granddaughter. She had a pretty bad  case of bacterial pnuemonia!! I reassured my daughter as much as I could, reminding her that she had also had pneumonia twice one winter and her sister once!! That medically things were so much better now and that I was sure that our girl was going to be fine.I would be praying and so would all my great friends.  (of course I was right. the doc thought 4 days. she was only in for 2)

Suddenly my eyes were opened and I could see that my family is being attached even more than usual==I immediately got on my face before the Lord. I asked Him for  protection because I was going to have to confront this  devil -, I am even having to type this a third time-my words keep disappearing on me!  I remind you Satan who won? I did! Because of Jesus!! Go Back to Hell and Leave ME and MY FAMILY alone in the name of Christ Jesus the Son of the Living God!

So let’s go back to last Sunday night and my first scripture. I will type what I can, but there is a lot. I may have to let you look up too.  or I am send you to a particular blog .  Numbers 23: 19-20  God is not a man,  that he should lie, nor a son of man, t hat he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act?  Does he promise and not fulfill? I have received a command to bless;  he has blessed it, and I cannot change it

Is that not just the most beautiful 2 verses? And given to me 2 minutes after I asked for confirmation!  The Lord really wanted me to know, didn’t he?  And then the next day He sent me to Avie’s Place a blog I follow-what a wonderful teacher of the Word she is! Today is was Psalm 119:1658 Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make you stumble.  I wait for your salvation, O Lord, and I follow your commands.  I  obey your statutes, for I love them greatly. I obey your precepts and your statutes, for all my ways are known to you.  This post was about peace, the peace you get when you trust absolutely. and then I think this was next although I wondered why it wasn’t 2nd.  It is 1st Peter 5:8 -9   Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil  prowls around likes a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.  Now you see why I needed this verse reminder a little earlier?    

Then we went to Ecclesiastes written by the way by Solomon -son of David, a man after God’s own heart When I read David’s story or even Solomon’s story or anyone’s story for that matter, I know once again that God can forgive anyone, anything, anytime, anywhere–JUST BECAUSE HE LOVES US.  But we do have to be obedient…as Solomon discovered late in life as he also finally found the purpose in life. He had looked for it everywhere,  in everything, But of course our purpose is only fulfilled in our Lord–when He fills up that hole in our hearts  we all come with  —and that hole is only filled by the Holy Spirit of God Himself, then, can you know your purpose. We will be talking about that in the future.”

So my week has been all about the Lord talking trust me, Trust me TRUST ME. The first night that He spoke to me, MY  Lord God said “Cindy, I love you, I love you, I love you, I  love you. ..but you don’t trust me.”…his first words almost and when I said,” no,I do trust you,” He again replied,”” no, you don’t trust me, but you will.”  I have come to find out that Trusting the Lord  with all my heart is the most important  thing to Him NEXT to  Honoring and Loving Him and Putting Him first in all Things.-which is the first and greatest commandment. And I will tell you that it is easier to follow than the learning to trust so completely. How very, very hard it is.But  it is what we are called to do and when the Lord singles you out for something and  He consistently confirms it,  You know you have to do it, even if it scares you, and it doesn’t seem the right thing to do. But Obviously I will know soon if I must do this thing.   and if I must then I will be calling  on you to pray for me like never before. I feel like the t he guy in the Raiders of the Lost Ark or the sequel when t hey   were looking for Jesus’ chalice from the last supper.  He had to take a step out on faith that there was a bridge when there was no evidence of a bridge–but of course as soon as he put his foot out there-it was there for  him. I am hoping for that for me. And I should be able to explain further later this week.



PHILIPPIANS –The Love Book–finishing up the 1st Chapter

Oh Beloved ones! I have tried once, twice again to write, but have just been delayed in doing so. I have to believe when that happens, I am to wait to write. My Master who knows all things may be changing the circumstances, timing, days, people who knows what?, but  when He is ready, then I am ready. I have spent the last several weeks almost in a state of constant excitement and anticipation. I wake up like that and I go to bed very late because of that; I am looking and listening, reading the Word and communing with my Lord God. I went back to Philippians where I didn’t finish what I was exactly writing about. There are so many great passages in Philippians to quote from that, that is all you would get, so I am picking out the pieces of scripture in the book that mean so much to me, but I would urge you to read and study Philippians on your own as well–you might have a whole different way that means something to you that God speak to you through.

In the body of the first chapter, Paul is doing exactly what I do in bad, poor, horrible or otherwise situations: He is telling the Philippians that the fact that he is in jail is actually a good thing. It truly is, because he has shared the gospel throughout the jail and with all of the palace guard, which is probably the only way he would have been able to share.  He has told everyone that he has no care for comforts-that one place is as surely good as another. Paul’s whole concentration was on spreading the gospel of  Jesus Christ–just as it must be my concentration. Time is short, and yet there are so many who do not know Him! I would ask you this–at the very least you can share the Lord Jesus  within your sphere of friends and family.  I would hope and pray that you would do it because you loved them and because you believe the Father and Son and Holy Spirit when they say there  is hell yet for those who will not be reconciled.

Then Paul gives us some very important truths starting with verse 19. A long passage so I am cherry picking the verses to write:

I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance…I will not be ashamed but will have sufficient courage and hope that Christ will be exalted whether by life or by death. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am go on living, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I chose? I do not know! I desire to depart and be with Christ, but it is more necessary for you that I remain…Whatever happens…stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. For you will be saved–and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to  believe on Him,  but also to suffer for Him.

I will stop there at the end of chapter 1. You see what I mean? There is so much for us to understand and look forward to. I think    what was brought to my attention today,  is to remind everyone that the time is short and running out. I too sometimes long for the everlasting arms of Jesus–to be able to be in His presence and worship and not have to stop for one thing or another. Yet I too have those who need me here. God isn’t finished with me yet. Unfortunately, He still has so much work to do on me, but I am so grateful for my salvation and my relationship with Him. I never knew you could truly have a relationship with God like this. I was told that He would speak to me through scripture, but He uses many, many more avenues than that! When He wants to talk to you and you don’t want to, it is not worth it to fight it! Because of course, The Lord God Almighty always wins at everything. But I promise that whatever His Plan is, it’s better than yours–because you can’t see the future and He can. Because He has planned your future so that you can be completely fulfilled, knowing you are loved unconditionally by the King Of the Universe. 

I must address the last little phrase of the text.  As I have read a lot the last week, I have noticed once again how very often Christians are suffering. At first I thought, it’s just a new church, they will get used to it. Then there was the massive pulling away from Christ altogether as we seem to be doing in America now, and certainly Europe is anything but Christian.  And now in many countries people are dying for their faith or they are suffering because of that faith. In  1st Peter 4:16, Peter says if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. Oh Beloved ones! there are so many who will be shocked on that day of judgement! Proverbs 11:30-31 The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise. If the righteous receive their due on earth, how much more the ungodly and the sinner!  or put another way in  1st Peter 4:18  If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?  We are living in interesting, exciting times. As I have said before, just look in the newspaper and look in your Bible…It’s coming…our day…but in the meantime, love people, see them as Jesus saw the-lost sheep without a shepherd. Know in your heart, that for those left behind, there truly may not be another chance. So don’t sit back, relax and read a book.  Get up, get dressed, get out there! Make a difference in someone’s life -not just now, but eternally!

A New Truth–To Me Anyway Ist Peter 3, 4 & 5

Marble headstone of a couple buried together i...
Marble headstone of a couple buried together in Singapore, showing an arched emblem, signifying the reunification with one’s partner in heaven. Within the arch is a statue of Jesus Christ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Gee, that’s a lot of ground to cover and I don’t have a lot of time tonight either! But I so wanted to share what God is showing me in hopes that if you have not thought of or learned this particular lesson-maybe just knowing about it would lead you to study a little and save you from a lot of heartache and unreal expectations.

I read and hear often about what I’ll call the “prosperity gospel”. God meant for us to prosper-isn’t that what it says in Jeremiah 29:11? yes, but have you ever wondered what His idea of prosperity might be in comparison with yours?  And have you ever wondered why some of the poorest people are some of the happiest, most satisfied people in the Lord? I have!

Even as recently as last year, the first 2-3 months of this year, I thought that I was just “in the desert for awhile”.  Yes, this desert has been going on a long while now, but I always thought I’d come out the other side-like the Israelites did when they reached the Promised Land. Except what did they have to do then? They had to go in and win the land and clear it out per Jehovah’s instructions. There was no rest for the weary! In fact, if you are a student of the Word and you know Israel’s history, when have they ever really “come out of the desert into prosperity and had no worries, no problems holding on to any of it?”  I think the answer to that is “NEVER”

So then we come to the story of Jesus Christ. How God’s Son became flesh and came into our world and walked this earth. When did He have it easy? From the moment of His birth-The King of the Universe/Creator of All Things-was born in a stable. Not very clean, not very comfortable and not long after His birth, His mother and Joseph her husband were fleeing for their lives with a new born across-yes?-a desert! And as Jesus grows in Nazareth as a child, does He have an cushy life of a King? No, his “father'” is a carpenter-very physical labor. I would imagine, a lot harder than that of today. Even later as Jesus began His ministry, did He own anything? get taken care of, carried everywhere? Of course not! Jesus was followed; He was hounded, tormented, criticized, everywhere He went. And yet, the Bible says everytime He looked at the multitudes, He had compassion and love for them and made every effort to heal everyone who needed healing and fix anything that could be and those that couldn’t even by raising  the dead.

Of course we all know where this story goes—right to the cross! There have recently been some magnificent posts written on Jesus’ actual suffering from the beatings to the actual crucfiction. That is not my purpose tonight. My purpose in my long, drawn out way is to offer the possibility that we are not to expect OUR version of Prosperity! I can’t find it anywhere in the Word. What I did find is that from the beginning Jesus’ people have experienced suffering. It says we shall suffer as He suffered. No prosperity there. (the world’s idea of it!) We are to follow in His footsteps.

So you are asking now so where is 1st Peter in all this? There is a place of suffering in the Christian life. You can’t get around it. There are lot’s of kinds of suffering of course. God knows exactly though what will refine you, mold you, make you holy and fit for that day when you are redeemed. You see that is the KEY. GOD KNOWS. You will never get your mind around it, understand it or explain it. You might as well give up and accept it! Let me tell you, I wish I had given up long ago! Thanks be to God that He Never Gives Up and is always there patiently waiting.

So now I know that trials and tribulations are a natural thing of the day. ..but hardship is a blessing in itself; it shows that we are Christ’s and belong to Him. Suffering is also a blessing because of the opportunity it gives to demontrate the strength of God’s grace in both words and by life! So many people have said to me that they are so sorry for all I have had to go through. I reply and I mean this from the bottom of my heart,  that I would do it again, rather than not have the lessons, the fellowship, the RELATIONSHIP that I now have with Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God, Who Is and Was and Is To Come!





What could I mean by that? I mean I am going back on the Remicaid! Hallelujah! Friday morning, very early, they will start the infusion and I am so thrilled because it means I won’t be a crippled old woman anymore. It means I can live, eat, breath, sleep, work without pain. And what a miracle it is that I am getting it, because I have absolutely no antibodies from the pneumonia shot four weeks ago. My doctor can’t even believe it. But my lovely genetic immunity disorder apparently doesn’t like antibodies and it accounts for most of the immunity issue that I have, so there was no question about going back on the remicaid drug. To protect me some and make me feel better, I am now getting immunoglobulin infusions once a week. But they are no big deal-they use acupuncture needles-spread out the meds to 4 of them and have the quietest little pump. I can sit right at my desk and work and “take my medicine” literally and emotionally-although I am trying to be better with the emotions in the workplace.

It almost makes me not care about anything else that is wrong with me! honestly! But I am fortunate. I have appointments with some really good doctors Monday and Tuesday and they will tell me the good/bad news.  I know we have some surgery dates saved for the next week, but we’ll see. And I know some of you are saying but what’s up with her head?  I thought that was the main thing? Well, to a degree, it is and it was. I am still not released to drive and won’t be until I have a day and night at TGH so they can watch me and try to make me have another of whatever it was I had. And if they can’t, I am going to write it off as one of my God visits to the hospital that He said I’d have-to spread His word. And we did confirm the necessity of getting my leg veins fixed…but all they are going to do about my “growth” on my head at this point, is watch it-until I complain enough to make them do something about it.

One thing I that I thought was really important to post is my story about Revelation 3:20 I had the privilege of speaking with one of my former candidates earlier this week. I had placed her twice over a period of 10+ years and she found me again, needing my services.  I told her that I really wasn’t placing admin staff any longer but could refer to two really good services. Then we caught up a little bit. And I told her some of what God was doing in my life, she was right there with me. But God knows the heart and He had me ask her just like I ask so many others I speak with “If you were standing before God today, What would you say to Him, when He asked you why He should let you into His heaven?”  She immediately said because I was baptized when I was 9. Ok, what else? Cause I’ve been a really good person.  I waited. She said I’m embarrassed I should know the answer.  I told her there was nothing to be embarrassed about. And then asked her if I could read her a couple of scriptures that I thought would be helpful. So I read about Jesus saying He is the Way the Truth and the Life and that no one comes to the Father except through Him. I read to her about becoming a child of God-because THIS is when you become a child of the King. And lastly I read her Revelation 3:20 “Behold I stand at the door and knock if anyone hears my voice and opens the door I will come into him and will stay forever.  After I read my friend that scripture, I asked if she had ever done anything like that before at any particular time-like maybe before the baptism? but she said no, she hadn’t . And this was the kicker she didn’t know she needed to!

Oh my friends who are reading this-maybe you follow me, maybe its your first visit. If that described you and where you are with Jesus-won’t you open that door? You aren’t here by mistake. God has brought you here to hear the Truth.

And for my faithful Christian blogger friends and others on facebook that follow me, Let’s Get The Word Out!  There are too many people who just don’t know what they need to do.  Jesus said, The Great Commission was given to all of us. It’s just too late in time to be worried about what people think anymore about YOUR talking about Jesus! All you have to do is give Him your mouth and your will and He does all the rest!

I’ve been a little busy in the hospital again…

I thought that I had had everything happen to my body already! But I keep learning about the other parts we never think about! Then last Thursday, the 1st, I discovered a whole new neurological experience. It started with my legs disappearing when I got out of the tub. Luckily I found them before I fell and broke something important. My husband saw the incident though and said he thought he should drive me around for the day. I had an eye appt. My “RA” eyes again-apparently this is going to be a continuing issue-something else to pray about! and then I had a hair appt late in the afternoon. Dennis drove me over there and insisted on staying-read a book in the car the whole time.

I love going to Colleen to do my hair. She has taken care of my hair for about 20 yrs I think!  A strong Christian, single woman with a very interesting life and friends and family. I love talking with her and love her insight.  I had been telling her about my day, when all of a sudden, my whole body started shaking and my arms and legs were shaking and flying around and all I could say was Oh, MY! Look at this!  Colleen was truly freaked I think. It lasted forever and not so long, so she said-30 seconds. She wanted me to go to the ER right away, but NO, I was trying so hard to stay out of the hospital this year and I hadn’t lost consciousness or foamed at the mouth or anything. So I told her I would monitor things-let my husband know and then we’d see what to do. I knew that I had doctor appts the next day I needed to keep. Dennis drove me again. I did tell the first doctor about it. She didn’t tell me to go to the hospital. And then because once again, I messed up writing the time of an appt down, we didn’t make the 2nd appt. Saturday at the grocery store, it became very obvious that I was losing my balance. .. Not to me, but to Dennis who was afraid I would fall and break something. So instead of helping with the shopping I just held onto the basket. He had told me not to let go of it or wander off! It was like being 5 again! Then he said he was taking me to the ER the next morning. I still didn’t want to go. So I prayed and asked God to make it really clear if I needed to go or I could stay. He says He will whisper in our ear the way to go (Is 30: 21 ) As soon as I opened one eye in the morning,I knew I was in trouble. I had the worst headache I had ever had! And believe me, I have had some doozies! I told my husband to take me to the hospital immediately. He asked if he had time to clean up and pack me up, but I said no. I thought I had waited too long and had had a bleed. So off we rushed.

I do thank the Lord for things like CTscans and MRIs and all the other wonderful diagnostic equipment available to us in our world today. My best news was that I had not had a bleed.  But the scan also didn’t show any swelling or vascular growth like I had 2 years ago with the brain tumors and I know I am growing another one. You can see it on the outside, and even feel it on the outside, but apparently it’s not big enough for the MRI? Or maybe I just get to have something altogether new this time. But there is something new on my left side of my head at my crown. The doctor gave me demerol for the headache, but by then I had hurt for so long and so bad, it didn’t help a lot; I got a 2nd shot as soon as it was possible to have it. By this time, we had been waiting quite awhile for my primary care hospital doc to come check me out and he was a no show! But just as Dennis was telling the nurse we were leaving, the doc was on the other line saying he wanted to examine me before he could let me go. So up we went to the neuro floor (one of the best floors in the hospital) and I went thru the standard neuro exam which I failed. The doc said I really needed to stay for more testing, so we agreed. My husband left to go get my things, the doc wrote the orders and the nurse came in to play their million questions game.

I was seated in bed answering her questions when all of a sudden, I had another “seizure” like the first one! And I told her that!Cause I was fully aware and awake-and she had me lay back down so that I wouldn’t fall out of the bed. So much for this being an anomaly, I said. She made notes about it in the computer and then continued with her questions and then for the first time in my life, alarmed my bed! Said it was for my safety. They didn’t want me getting up by myself and falling and hurting myself or breaking something.  (later that day, I did step off the bed just for a second-and yes all the bells went off and I had 4 people in my room before I could say squat!) They even had my bed rails covered-again for my protection!

I guess I don’t need to say that at this point I was somewhat discouraged? maybe a bit depressed? I did cry out to the Lord that night and in the early mornings-they get you up several times, so you have several early mornings. I reminded Him of all of His promises that He had given me, even of that core of pain healing that I had had and now this? I didn’t understand any of it…but My Father swiftly reminded me that His ways are not my ways, His thoughts, not my thoughts. He has been hammering that home just a bit lately. He also reminded of last May when He told me that if He brought to the hospital to stay it was to do His work. So I stewed on that a bit. And then the loveliest man came into my room,one of the chaplains from the hospital. And he said Oh the Holy Spirit is in this room. I said Oh, good you are a believer! Yes ma’am he replied and we began to share one with the other. I was really able to tell him what was on my heart. When he got ready to leave he said, the hospital has us here to offer blessings to the patients, but you have been my blessing today. Now I want you to know there is absolutely nothing he could have said that would have struck my heart more. But it was like I had received a blessing-and now I did feel like I could share– if there was anybody to share with of course –because my joy was full again.

More tomorrow…

A Systemic Infection!

I saw the pulmonologist. He said there is no need for the bronscopy, he knows it’s everywhere, now that he knows what it is.  As I did, he can track all my infections this year, and the thrush, and the smell. Of course, he looked at me and said “only you!”)  He has put me on an antifungal medicine that is many times stronger than the usual dose. Of course he had to explain that to the insurance company. But I am sure that they want me well so that I don’t continue with so many hospitilizations! And he told them this was the only way! So on the first night  I took 2 pill (400mg) instead of the usual 1pill. Then I am to take them for the next 13 days -gives me a full 2 weeks on the medicine- whereas most people only take the pills for as long as 3 days!  and I don’t know if part of the pill dosage can make a person drag-but this person is! Still I know it is extremely difficult to get rid of and I must get rid of it. They have STOPPED MY REMICAID untill I am rid of it! So now I will be crippled too pretty shortly.

Please pray that I will be strong in the Lord. That I will pray as I know and have experienced! That I will not get down with the pain and let it beat me! I am reading his promises for healing. I  am going to list them so that you can pray as I am praying them-there is power in that.

Jeremiah 17:14  Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be saved, for You are my praise.

Psalm 77:10-14 I said, “This is my anguish; But I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High.” I will remember the works of the Lord; Surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will also meditate on all Your work. And talk of Your deeds, Your way, O God is in the sanctuary; Who is so great a God as our God? You are the God who does wonders; You have declared Your strength among the peoples.

Psalm 6:2-3 Be merciful to me , Lord, for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long?    (I underlined these verses in July of 04. I had not found Remicaid yet)

and then all of Psalm 90 which I won’t quote the whole thing here, just a short passage: 90:13-17  Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all or days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble.  May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands –yes, establish the work of our hands.  (underlined in August 20110, BUT  a lot of underlining in my old handwriting so pre 2005)