Its Late, But So Much Has Happened…

Those of you who have been following me for a while know that my life can change on a dime! And Sunday it did. I had been doing so great, but sitting there as the service was starting up, I was having trouble getting enough air. I thought if I could just get out in the atrium with my inhaler to a vent, I wouldn’t cause a stir. Au contraire! I got to the vent, took a hit off the inhaler and promptly passed out. I heard, “there she goes!” Thank goodness there were people around me and someone to catch me, I guess. Someone went and got my husband and my purse which has a little personal air spirometer, but I couldn’t hardly make the ball go up. So I knew I was in trouble. And then once we got into the car, my right arm starting just aching horribly, then my chest. I felt a lot of pressure. We were too far from our hospital, so we went to a small city hospital ( never again) but of course once I was stable and had to stay because of my heart issues ( you can’t leave against med advice or medicare won’t pay).  We hear a man screaming down the hall, “let me die, I want to die. I want to commit suicide.” Over and over he was yelling and screaming that!  I knew right then we were there to pray for that man. Which of course we began to do. I couldn’t know his name because of HIPPA of course, but God knows who he is. 

Because for some reason they didn’t get my BP med dosage correct, my BP soared and with it came the most awful headache I’ve ever had. It was with me all the time I was there. I kept telling them I needed more meds. I got them just as I left but it took me 3 doses of meds when I got home and this morning to get it back to what is normal for me and no sick headache. I did have absolutely wonderful nurses! Sunday night, my coughing went south and I was running out of strength to cough anymore ( by then I’d been at it for over 3 hours. Hard, rib cracking, muscle pulling, coughing. Finally I got some Solumedrol-my miracle drug, and no coughing for over 2 hours! I also got cough syrup and Benadryl  2 hours before the Solumedrol, but they didn’t work. That’s what happens when things go so far. NOTHING works except Solumedrol. How thankful I am that I live in a time that the medicine exists!!

The reason I had to stay over night was to have a cardiac stress in the am. But honestly, I have never had a stress test that took all day! Management agreed with me when I spoke with them late in the afternoon. If you’ve never had one, you can’t eat or drink or take your heart meds until you’ve the test completed, so you see why my body went a little nuts!!  At least it was over and we left at 7 pm. 

So what else could good could possibly have come out this? I tell you honestly when you can’t sleep for any reason, that’s one of the best times to commune with the Father and  I had hours. I, of course, was praying about my condition, but He led me  off to so many other subjects. I have to admit, it was kind of wonderful. He was right there and bad as I had it. I knew it and until I started really going downhill, I had been praying and praising for all the blessings, for that man, just for everything He brought to my mind to talk about. I guess I have been a little too busy for all that special time with Him. I write about it. I pray alot, but do I listen? The first time God spoke to me was after I had been on a long praise to Him and just ran out of words. I think He said FINALLY!!! I did apologize. I like to talk, but I have been learning to listen over the years. 

Two things I have learned: One thing He desires, is to be my very best, closest friend. He already knows everything about me. It’s silly when I try to hide anything from Him. He is constantly reminding me that I am His Righteousness. Glory!!! Remember I just wrote there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. That is truth.

Late enough and it’s long enough, don’t you think? G’ night!

Cindy

 

 

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WE’RE HERE! AND SO HAPPY! AND THE NEWS!!

I told ya’ll I would write when we got all settled, but I have also been waiting on the Lord to tell me what He wanted me to write about besides myself and my wonderful new home and town. Yesterday He gave it to me in the form of an opinion letter in our local daily newspaper. I am so thrilled and surprised that they print the letters that they do! But then I remember that I am living here in the most conservative part of the state. How I wish I could bundle this up and take it and sprinkle it over the cities of America like fairy dust! But only turning back to our Lord will make a difference in people’s actions, their behaviors, their hearts. I have the permission of the permission of the person who wrote this letter to the editor to reprint it here, word for word.  I was told it would be great that the word would go out to more than just our little area. I intend to publish this same letter on my LinkedIn page and Facebook page. I want it to get as much attention as possible. This letter puts so clearly into words all of my thoughts and concerns that I have sometimes expressed here and with my family and friends before, but not so well. This is a beautifully written, crystal clear indictment of those in Washington, DC. 

For those of you who cry “Racist!” when anyone disagrees with or criticizes this president, it’s understandable , because he and his cohorts do it! It is unseemly and demeaning to have the leaders of this great nation broadcast to the world that they are being mistreated or that some legislation won’t be passed because of racism. President Obama, Attorney General Eric Holder,  House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid all have sunk to this level.

And should you think we conservatives even care about skin color, believe me when I say that those four politicians are equally regarded as demagogues and unworthy of the offices they hold.

It seems that progressives are the racists, because it suits their agenda.

How did this happen? How did those moral, spiritual and mental midgets become leaders of the greatest nation the world has ever known? Where are the giants? Where are the men and women of integrity, wisdom and strong moral character? where are the leaders who care more about people and country than getting elected next time?

If we don’t find the giants soon, we may go down in the annals of history like mighty Rome, destroyed by corruption from within. Our Rome is burning. It is not too late to put out the fire, but the majority in the country will have to wake up and care about our decline. We are on a slippery slope, ceding our freedom and liberty to narcissistic miscreants who are intent on our downfall.

Don’t you just love that letter? Puts it all in perspective, right? Certainly says it better than I ever could have!  I’ll have more to say about our new life and what else is going on real soon, because lot’s of stuff is and I need your prayers.

goodnight…

MY ARM UPDATE

I have progressed to being able to type  for short periods. I don’t have to use all caps, can use punctuation, paragraphs and the sort so I thought I might finally be ready for an update.

I had the MRI of my shoulder that I had said I would have after Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, it showed that I had fractured my shoulder-and 4 weeks later not healed and that I had 3 tears in different places including the rotator cuff! When I saw my doctor, he was surprised about the fracture as I was, not so much about the rotator cuff tear but the others absolutely! He said “No wonder you hurt!” And I said, ” Did you think I was faking?” He of course did not, but thought that I was in an inordinate amount of pain for what he had thought I was dealing with! Actually I think the fact that I manage with the pain that I deal with at all is a miracle and be able to work too. So now that the shoulder is so very complicated, he has decided to pass me up/down to “more qualified” surgeon doctors in his practice! I guess I should be thankful as my daughters thought. I really liked him though, and now at the end of the year, I have to start all over with a new doctor. He knew I wasn’t happy about it, but advised me that anybody would insist on the fracture healing before operating.

So on to my next challenge! I had to have GYN (female) surgery on the 19th. This is NOT SOMETHING I AM GOING TO DISCUSS HERE! Surprise! I know that I have been really open about my foibles and life and all, but except to say that if I had not had this surgery, that sometime in the near future, my life could have been at serious risk. That being said, it also was terribly painful! The doc said, oh, it will be like you had a baby. Ok that wasn’t so bad except that’s when I found out I was allergic to iodine. They used to put it in a spray on solution for episiotomy incisions. THAT was much worse than having the baby! So I thought, it couldn’t be that bad! WRONG!! This is 62 like having a baby! God did not make us to have babies at 62 except as He has reminded me Sarah at 100 had Issac -in the desert and with no drugs! So I guess i need to quit complaining except that I don’t seem to be healing well here either.

Why have I shared such information now with all of you? Because I know you pray for me. So I am asking for all of your prayers… it has made such a difference in my life before… I need to heal. I know I have the immunity issue, but I wouldn’t have thought that would impede healing, maybe it is, I don’t know. The Lord has not told me He will not heal me, he has just offered comfort in other ways. My dear husband is doing his best to feed me nutritious things that will promote my healing… but like I said, the shoulder fracture was still “very fractured” at 6 weeks, so I only know to go to the Lord in prayer. 

I remind Him of all of scriptures on healing like the familiar Isaiah 53:5  …and by His wounds we are healed… This is important for all of us though James 5:16 …pray for each other that you may be healed… and 1st Peter  2:24 …by his wounds you have been healed.  But I do think the key is praying for one another. So while I am praying for ya’ll, please be praying for me!

Goodnight and God bless!

Just A Quick Note

For those of you who have been following me for some time now, you might remember that one of my many trials has been with rheumatoid arthritis. In fact, there was a time in 2011 and early 2012 when I was off of the Remicade medicine because of a systemic infection I had and I was in so much pain, I was just almost asking the Lord to take me home.  I guess if I was a suicidal person which I am most certainly not, that would have been an option for me.  It was a 24/7 grinding pain. I was always aware of it even in what sleep I got. Again, you might remember my writing of a woman praying for me outside of my BSF (Bible Study Fellowship International) and God taking that grinding pain away. I felt so fortunate when the immunologist allowed me to go back on Remicade when he put me on the gamma globulin for the immunity disorder. Then there was the big, bad C Difficele  infection in my colon that I got last April  2012 and we tried and tried to cure it. Do you remember how that cure started? I was sitting in an urgent care waiting on test results, hoping I didn’t have sepsis again. while I was waiting God said to me, ” Cindy, if you don’t stop taking the Remicade,  you will never get rid of the C Diff.  And of course I began to argue with Him!! You would have thought that I would have learned by then! I was so upset that He would even ask me after I had suffered so much the last time I was off of it. This time He said, you won’t hurt anymore. I can still remember the amazement I felt. One, why had I had to hurt so badly the other time? How was I going to trust Him with this now? So I told Him just that. And that it wasn’t just me to be convinced, but also my husband and my doctors. He laughed or chuckled at me and said ok if I remember correctly without going back to that post. Two minutes later my phone buzzed and a scripture came scrolling across the face of it. Numbers 29:19 This scripture still blows me away and one of my dear loved ones and fellow blogger used this scripture just this week. 

God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man that He should change His mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill?

I looked at that scripture and I just started laughing! I said back to Him, “You are really serious about this aren’t you?” He was. Of course my husband was concerned when I told him what I wanted to do and some of my doctors thought I was crazy-but not the believers of course, they and I knew better than to disobey the Lord. And of course my C Diff was cured.  Looks like it is still cured or if it raised it’s ugly head for a couple of weeks, the medicine I was given this time, worked. But the reason for this quick little post is to give you are an update on my RA.

When we first moved to Atlanta, one of my first new doctors was a rheumatologist. When he first examined me, I had been off of Remicade about 4 months. I told him my story. His response was that he would take all the help he could get (wherever it came from). Still he said for someone who had had the disease as long as I had and has bad as I had, once he examined me and then looked at the xrays, he could believe that I was in such great shape. He smiled when I said I wasn’t surprised. So yesterday I saw him again. This time he is even more surprised. he says ” I am in remission”. That remission is the only way he can explain my continued lack of joint pain like I used to have and the flexiblity that I exhibited during the exam. (even with my lower back-which he says is a disc problem, not RA) Even the nodules that you used to could feel on my heels or different places including my hands are better. That isn’t remission, that an amazing God!!

So besides what seems to be the turning around of my life in terms of my business which will make such a great impact on our finances, I believe that God is truly healing me. Maybe one disease at a time and maybe with a little help, but I am planning for a future now, a bright future for as long as the Lord taries…which frankly I don’t think is so very far in the future if you have studied even a little bit of Prophecy. I certainly hope to speak to this with the next post.

In the meantime, for Big Brother who I understand reads everything that is posted, please feel free to email me your questions as I am sure there are many. I serve an awesome and mighty, miraculous God. The God who made this planet, this universe and all that is out there beyond us. I love and worship my God and my Savior Jesus Christ.  I want that to be perfectly clear and if I have not made it clear every time I have posted before, I will now. As the Apostle Paul, I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, my Lord.

Part 2 The Trials of Life

We left off with the notes from Dr Stanley’s wonderful sermon on the TRIALS of LIFE. I don’t pretend to be a preacher or to even get all my notes right but I do pray that what I write tonight would make you understand that everything you go through has a purpose. He further expanded on that today and I hope to get to it tomorrow.

• First  question: What is the right thing to do in the light of my past circumstances?
• Second question: What is the right thing to do in my present circumstances?
• Third question: What is the right thing to do in the future as far as my goals?
• Fourth question: What would God have me do in this situation?

We need wisdom to discern the source of our trials. If we don’t figure that out, then we won’t know how to respond. And it is so important to respond in obedience, recognizing His Lordship, recognizing His Character, etc. If we don’t respond correctly there can be negative results and we will miss the blessing of understanding who God is and how He operates. (Pretty heavy duty stuff, huh?)

• The testing of faith is important because it is unreliable until it is tested and it grows as it is tested. Tested Devotion
• Purifying our life is “what are you saying to me, Lord”. Pain purifies
• Providing God an opportunity to show Himself strong in our lives. Is a Witness
• Produce Christlike appearance and here is where my verse came in again. Comfort others as I was comforted

And then there was just a little more…I need wisdom to discern the proper response to my trials–which would be the result–the benefit. God says in James 1:5  If any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. To do that, you need to know trials will upset you if you value comfort more than the comforter. That if you value material and physical things more, you won’t be able to count it all joy  (James 1:2-4)  Count it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. God is in control of time and intensity of the trial. He has special purposes for allowing it. It is designed for a special need in my life. All of this is part of His equipping me to do His work.

Now I just know that many, many of you are saying “Cindy are you not the girl who asks why sometimes? Who rails against the circumstances?” Absolutely I am. Why do you think I was so very compelled to go to hear this message?? And now as I look at my past year, even more, I see the heavy, heavy trials we have gone through, physically, financially, emotionally and I think I am so sorry that I am so stubborn and thick-headed that God couldn’t deal with me any other way to get me to where I am today. Not that I am through all my trials, I am not. I know that some things will be with me, life long. but this message struck deep into my heart. It was certainly my Father speaking to me saying “relax and let me really take over what’s going on! Remember I am the one in charge and everything comes through my fingertips before it gets to you!” You see the “giving over” is a daily, sometimes moment by moment thing. It is so easy to go, willy, nilly out on our own, just being caught up in the moment and suddenly, well, I do anyway, realize, I am out here on my own, doing my own thing, not HIS thing.

so that’s my story right now. I am excited about what God is doing in me, period. Because even though others might look at me and say “poor dear.”  I say, I am counting it all joy!!

And Life Keeps Slipping On By…2 ER Visits

My August was crazy busy, punctuated by two ER visits that I couldn’t let slow me down. I know that might sound crazy in lieu  of all my physical issues, but to me, they were simply attacks. Satan‘s way of keeping me off my game. The first was my asthma of course. We tried the fire station again, but for some reason they took 10 minutes to come to the door and finally my husband had to call 911 to get them to call them. Their lights were out, I guess they all were sleeping. But it took them so long to get to me and then to decide to do anything-and nothing of importance that I wound up in the ER. The ER released me just in time to visit my pulmonologist that I already had an appointment with. It felt like one big plan on somebody else’s part. I finally got enough breathing treatments and drugs to do better-but a waste of time and energy as far as I am concerned.

And then because I had had a very short dose of antibiotics for that respiratory issue, my C Diff decided to raise its ugly head again and so I was in the ER  for a Monday afternoon for that. Unfortunately, that one’s not so easily gotten rid of and so I am still dealing with it and will for a awhile.  I did have a scan to make sure I hadn’t suddenly grown a tumor or a blockage, incase anyone would question that, but negative on that end too. Did I forget anything? oh yes, last week, I also had an eye infection. Nothing drops won’t take of though.

  I still base everything on 2 Corinthians 1: 4 though: The God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we can comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  (American Standard Version)

So what do I think happened to me in August? Satan’s winning? God isn’t watching out for me so carefully? I think I covered this in my last post, but let me say it again, I believe that everything that touches me has to come filtered through God’s fingers. Just as the silversmith cannot take his eyes off of the silver being refined by the fire, neither can the Father take His eye off of me. So you say, “Cindy what about all these afflictions still?” I don’t know of fruit coming off the asthma episode yet, but I certainly saw it with the C Diff and a young nurse taking care of me in the ER. All afternoon I had wondered why I was there again, so soon after the last time, but it was for her. She is a nurse today because her brother had leukemia when she was young. He was one of the “lucky ones”. He now runs a camp for seriously ill children and she is nurse–would either of those careers been sought if other circumstances had prevailed in their young lives? But look whose lives they are touching now! I asked, of course about their own personal beliefs. I was very happy that both of them know Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God as their personal Savior. What I did encourage her to do is to write all her memories down from the sister perspective. How helpful that might be for someone else! She is like me and thinks she can’t write a book either, so I told her all about blogging. I hope she joins our world and she tells her brother. They could so multiply the good they do.

And you might be asking yourselves, “well, Cindy if you are so sure about your Heavenly Father and His eyes on you, why would you be questioning where you are again?” That would be because I am not perfect yet, especially when I am hurting. I need my Father right there, front and center, talking to me, telling me what I am supposed to do and if there is talking to be done to somebody, to bring them on, but that I need the right pain meds to be able to do that talking. My hospital doesn’t like Demerol. Until I had spend several hours rolling around in pain regardless of how much morphine they gave me, they didn’t go find any Demerol. It was amazing though how fast that Demerol worked! Then I could talk! And talk I did.

The other reason that I was questioning things was that the day before I had been absolutely compelled to go to FB Atlanta. I didn’t feel that well, my husband didn’t at all and so I had gone alone. Dr. Stanley spoke on 2 Corinthians 1: 4!  It’s funny, but I don’t believe I have ever heard a sermon on my verse before. Actually that wasn’t his main text. His main text was I Peter 1: 3-7  Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade–kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation  that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith–of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire–may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Dr Stanley had many very important parts to his sermon. He thought they were so important that we all needed to be able to take notes and put them in our Bibles.  As it is late and I have already been so wordy, I’ll save the notes for part 2. So ya’ll come back now, cause these are great!!