Its Late, But So Much Has Happened…

Those of you who have been following me for a while know that my life can change on a dime! And Sunday it did. I had been doing so great, but sitting there as the service was starting up, I was having trouble getting enough air. I thought if I could just get out in the atrium with my inhaler to a vent, I wouldn’t cause a stir. Au contraire! I got to the vent, took a hit off the inhaler and promptly passed out. I heard, “there she goes!” Thank goodness there were people around me and someone to catch me, I guess. Someone went and got my husband and my purse which has a little personal air spirometer, but I couldn’t hardly make the ball go up. So I knew I was in trouble. And then once we got into the car, my right arm starting just aching horribly, then my chest. I felt a lot of pressure. We were too far from our hospital, so we went to a small city hospital ( never again) but of course once I was stable and had to stay because of my heart issues ( you can’t leave against med advice or medicare won’t pay).  We hear a man screaming down the hall, “let me die, I want to die. I want to commit suicide.” Over and over he was yelling and screaming that!  I knew right then we were there to pray for that man. Which of course we began to do. I couldn’t know his name because of HIPPA of course, but God knows who he is. 

Because for some reason they didn’t get my BP med dosage correct, my BP soared and with it came the most awful headache I’ve ever had. It was with me all the time I was there. I kept telling them I needed more meds. I got them just as I left but it took me 3 doses of meds when I got home and this morning to get it back to what is normal for me and no sick headache. I did have absolutely wonderful nurses! Sunday night, my coughing went south and I was running out of strength to cough anymore ( by then I’d been at it for over 3 hours. Hard, rib cracking, muscle pulling, coughing. Finally I got some Solumedrol-my miracle drug, and no coughing for over 2 hours! I also got cough syrup and Benadryl  2 hours before the Solumedrol, but they didn’t work. That’s what happens when things go so far. NOTHING works except Solumedrol. How thankful I am that I live in a time that the medicine exists!!

The reason I had to stay over night was to have a cardiac stress in the am. But honestly, I have never had a stress test that took all day! Management agreed with me when I spoke with them late in the afternoon. If you’ve never had one, you can’t eat or drink or take your heart meds until you’ve the test completed, so you see why my body went a little nuts!!  At least it was over and we left at 7 pm. 

So what else could good could possibly have come out this? I tell you honestly when you can’t sleep for any reason, that’s one of the best times to commune with the Father and  I had hours. I, of course, was praying about my condition, but He led me  off to so many other subjects. I have to admit, it was kind of wonderful. He was right there and bad as I had it. I knew it and until I started really going downhill, I had been praying and praising for all the blessings, for that man, just for everything He brought to my mind to talk about. I guess I have been a little too busy for all that special time with Him. I write about it. I pray alot, but do I listen? The first time God spoke to me was after I had been on a long praise to Him and just ran out of words. I think He said FINALLY!!! I did apologize. I like to talk, but I have been learning to listen over the years. 

Two things I have learned: One thing He desires, is to be my very best, closest friend. He already knows everything about me. It’s silly when I try to hide anything from Him. He is constantly reminding me that I am His Righteousness. Glory!!! Remember I just wrote there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. That is truth.

Late enough and it’s long enough, don’t you think? G’ night!

Cindy

 

 

My Thoughts on My God

This is a reply that I wrote to someone today about my thoughts on God. I thought I would share as I felt as if I had worshipped Him when I finished writing.

In the first chapter of the Book of John, verse 12, it says ” But as many as RECEIVED HIM, to them He gave them the right (the Latin word is power) to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name. So this is where I would say that the Lord God is in ME, because I’ve asked Him and the Holy Spirit to come and live in me (Rev 3:20)…so there is no separation between me and my Father God. In John 14:6, Jesus says I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. So that creation out there for the most part has rejected God or followed false gods as they have from the beginning. If you believe the creation story in Genesis (and I do) then you know that Adam and Eve wanted to have the knowledge that they were promised by Satan and turned from God’s direction to have it. People are still doing that today. I would tell you that besides my coming to faith, my life really took off when I began to study God’s Word. It truly changed my life. It is His love letter to His children. Certainly I read other things, but not about other gods or beliefs. They can do nothing for me. My God is Faithful always.  He says to seek Him with all your heart and you will find Him. He says to try Him, but not to test HIm. He will never fail you. He never lets you go once He has your hand. Sometimes I feel far away because of my actions or my words and when I come back and apologize, He says, “I never left you. I had you the whole time.” If you knew my whole story, then you would know the Truth about our God. He does miracles. He leads and I follow, He guides, He answers. He is not a THING up there somewhere, but a real, living God, Almighty in ALL things! I am proud to worship HIM!

Cindy

God Continues to Remain Faithful

Now I know you are saying, “Well of course, Cindy!” And I am too, but sometimes you just have to acknowledge how very faithful HE is, even when we are not! I’ve had a rough year as you know. Last week, my husband had Salmonella poisoning and thank the Lord, they finally figured out what it was and gave him the right meds. I am so grateful for medicines. Did you know that penicillin was discovered during WWII? Can you imagine what might have happened in your life without it being available? I know I wouldn’t be here! But you know that I am always saying that the Lord has a plan for our lives. I believe it so strongly. This week, I am struggling with my lungs. It just seems that, it’s always something. Everything that happens with me, even the bad stuff, somehow gives me opportunity to share Jesus with whomever HE brings to me. Even customer service reps when I am complaining about the bill being incorrect or the service. It’s just amazing to me, really. Trust me, this isn’t something I do consciously! It just happens. God makes the conversations happen.

We are to go to Mayo again later this summer for more testing. I am really pleased with all of the people I am met so far. I am just sorry that I have to go through it all. My hopes are that they will have some answers on how to better my lung condition and how my esophagus impacts that. Doesn’t look like a lot of fun to me! Once I have all the results, I’ll be more forthcoming, but right now I think there’s a lot of guessing going on.

I turned 67 this month! A lot of people ask me why I still am working! Well, because I love it, of course and God hasn’t told me to stop either. But again, there sometimes people to speak with in my work too, so I understand and am to carry on!

Today’s devotional from Sarah Young, Jesus Calling, is just perfect for what I am saying:  

I  AM THE TRUTH: the One who came to set you free. As the Holy Spirit controls your mind and actions more fully, you become free in Me. You are increasingly released to become the one I created you to be. This is a work that I do in you as you yield to My Spirit. I can do My best handiwork when you sit in the stillness of My Presence, focusing your entire being on Me.

Let your thoughts burst freely upon your consciousness, stimulating abundant Life. I am the Way and the Truth and the Life. As you follow Me, I lead you along paths of newness: ways you have never imagined. Don’t worry about what is on the road up ahead. I want you to find your security in knowing Me, the One who died to set you free.

John 8:32   Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

John 14:6  Jesus answered “I am the Way and the Truth and the LIfe. No one comes to the Father except thru me. 

Philippians 2:13   For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.

 

All very important truths. Please take them into your heart.

Cindy

WAITING

This is my devotional today…from Sarah Young, Jesus Calling. I am sharing it because this seems to be the story of my life. Waiting to get better, waiting for people to call me back, for deals to close, for the weather to change…anything and everything at all.  But the Lord says in Lamentations 3:24-26 …The Lord is my portion: therefore I will wait for him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him: it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

“Waiting on ME means directing your attention to ME in hopeful anticipation of what I will do. It entails trusting ME with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out yourself.  Waiting on ME is the way I designed you to live: all day, every day. I created you to stay conscious of me as you go about your daily duties.

I have promised many blessings to those who wait on ME: renewed strength,  living above one’s circumstances, resurgence of hope, awareness of MY continual Presence. Waiting on ME enables you to glorify ME by living in deep dependence on ME, ready to do MY will. It also helps you to enjoy ME; in MY Presence is fullness of Joy.”

Now having read this, perhaps you see why it meant a lot to me today. There are promises there for me and others if we will just wait on our Lord to do the things HE has promised He will do. Of course its hard to wait patiently! If you know me, you that is my greatest weakness! Still, I admit to being worn out. I need to just rest in the knowledge that HE is taking care of my every need–physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I hope you can too.

Cindy

 

NEW CHALLENGES

I know that I have said time and again how faithful our Lord is, but this summer again in particular instances, He has shown once again how loving and involved in each life, He is! As I speak with people each day, I am still astounded at how He leads me to certain people who either need Him or know Him and we can rejoice together! As usual there have been physical challenges as well, part of the reason I haven’t written as much. I have found that most of the time it has been all I could do to do my work for the day. I had thought that after I had back surgery to remove a cyst off of my spine which had wrapped itself around several nerves and caused me great pain and difficulty walking, was really past the bad stuff! I have had blocks in my neck before and I did need that before we were finished with everything. Unfortunately my problem is at C2/3 and they cannot fuse it or I could never move my head again! So I was told the best thing was to burn the nerves and that would take care of the pain. The problem though, has been an extreme side effect called Ataxia. You lose the control of your legs.  Sometimes I am walking and it is just as if I don’t have any legs at all, they give out on me. So I fall or just sit down abruptly. Most of the time, when I am walking, though, my legs just look spastic. My doc has assured me that this will clear up within another week! I hope so. So far, it has been 3 weeks today. What I have read, says 7-10 days. Physical therapy will start working with me this week and see if we can speed up the process.

My other issue is spiking blood pressure. It goes very high and then will get down to a reasonable level. We are working with new meds on that! This is a problem that my mother had. Hers would just go up and down and up and down too. Its very weird. I have a great internist though and like I said brand new medicine to take.

So any of you who know me would know that I would go straight to my Lord God about all this. He has set my path. I know this like I know the back of my hand. Yesterday, He reached out to me through my devotional. Many of you know I read Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. So yesterday was talking about the human body and inevitable effects of aging. That even if I were a superb athlete, which I am NOT, most cannot maintain their fitness over many decades. But this is specifically what it said ” Do not be anxious about the weakness of your body. Instead, view it as the prelude to My infusing energy into your being. Though the process of aging continues, inwardly you grow stronger with the passing years. Those who live close to Me develop an inner aliveness that makes them seem youthful in spite of their years. Let my Life shine through you, and you walk in the Light with Me.” Isn’t that beautiful? And of course the first scripture verse was Psalm 139:14 I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. This particular scripture is one that I have really gone to the Lord about many times in my life. If you’ve read my stories, you know that I don’t have a perfect body according to human eyes, human thoughts. What My Lord has taught me through all of these things is that I must depend on Him for my very breath and heartbeat; that the people he has me meet through the issues are put there for a purpose. So please pray that I will be mindful of these things as I recover!

I mentioned that God had been faithful, oh so faithful. I cannot begin to count the ways and He wouldn’t want me to! But He has just blessed us so incredibly this summer in ways we never would have dreamed. Still, our Lord knows our heart and our deepest longings. I believe that if we are faithful to Him, He answers us!!! One of the ways I can talk about is my business that finally it seems that it is coming together. I know that I am going to get better as God even went before me and has arranged a business trip (short) to Houston in 3 weeks. I have been wanting to go for a year and now it has all come together in perfect timing for everyone. I know my Lord. I will be ready.

One last thing I will leave you with is from my devotional today. “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Remember that all good things-your possessions, your family and friends, your health and abilities, your time- are gifts from ME. Instead of feeling entitled to all these blessings, respond to them with gratitude. Be prepared to let go of anything I take from you, but never let go of My Hand!” Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.

Believe me, this is a truth from the Lord. I have had this happen. But He has restored everything. Now, I have to hold onto the lesson.

AND SO IT GOES…

I think everyone knows I had really hoped for great health and no more surprises. But as Ken Copeland on a re-broadcast message today said. “You are never going to have a life free from troubles. It will manifest in many different ways, but you will always have troubles, but remember that Jesus said He had overcome the world.” I woke up Saturday morning with severe double vision, a crooked smile and an awful headache. So instead of going to a church get-together, we went to the ER. My first time in this part of the state. The doctor said I had had a “mini stroke” or TIA.  They admitted me pretty quickly to the “stroke center floor”. I spent the rest of Saturday and most of Sunday undergoing tests. They started my physical therapy this morning as I did have a problem on my left side with my leg and arm. But if any of you remember last year and the stroke on March 15th, you know this was mild indeed!! And how grateful I am to be talking and walking!  

My stay wasn’t as pleasant for a lot of reasons this time, but there were some good things that came out of it as there always are, because God says that “all things work together for those that love Him”. I was completely loved on my the members of my church family. My Sunday School leaders, my deacon, my pastor, my girlfriend and her granddaughter, they all came. Different times and days; it was really precious for me. My sweet husband read the Psalms to me because I couldn’t read anything very well for those first two days. I guess the most important time was my time with the Lord. If you know me at all, you know I was talking to Him and asking  lots of questions! But we had good conversations and while I don’t have many answers, I do have peace that my Father always loves me, knows right where I am, and is in perfect control of the situation.

My pastor reminded me of the 20th Psalm when he came to visit. As he read it to me, I knew that I had prayed specifically about some things that were happening in my life in January 2012.  Now reading it again, I see that the Lord has answered me in ways I couldn’t have even imagined!! (yes, I was blogging then, look in my index to read the crazy things that were going on then!)  But I do want to write out the Psalm here. Perhaps it will mean something to someone else. We are living in crazy, dangerous, but exciting times. NOW is the time to call upon the Lord if you have not! The time is short. Remember, Jesus said that we should be looking for Him to come and get us when we once again have a world like the days of Noah. And we certainly do now. It is so simple to call upon the Lord God to be saved. He says if you search for me, you will find me. He says open the door of your heart and ask me to come in and I will stay with you forever and I will be your Lord and Savior.

Psalm 20  May the Lord shower you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion. May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings. May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests. Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm. O Lord, save the king! Answer us when we call!

What a beautiful picture of a personal God who is interested in everything about us and loves us. This is one of the biggest differences between our Father God and the god of the Muslims. Their “Allah” is a god of vengeance and wrath. He is not personal at all, as in God is my Father. My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, His Son, but equally God came and died for me AND for this world, most of which hated Him then and hate Him now. He is the God of Peace-everlasting, overwhelming, and unexplainable, peace. Many Muslim people are coming to know my Jesus, because they do seek the one true God.

If anyone reads this who does not know my Jesus, leave me a comment and an email or a phone number, let’s talk!

Goodnight and God bless,

Cindy

 

June 13th Was My Birthday!

IMG_0615As many of you know, I consider it quite an accomplishment when I get to celebrate another birthday! And so it was this year too! First, I should count my many blessings: my husband of 34 years whom I love so much! My wonderful kids-actually grown women now and son-in-law, and 3 fabulous grand girls! Then there are all of my extended family, my 5 siblings and their families. I have such great sib in-laws, and nieces and nephews and 2 grand-nephews. Then there are my cousins and their families. I look back through the pictures of my life and it has passed so fast so far! I have so many wonderful memories. Not that I plan on stopping making memories, but today I feel very blessed. The picture which I will attach and am going to try to change on the Gravatar is what we took last Friday night. I was full of fresh oysters, shrimp and pompano (a wonderful fish)! All fixed at home, so far we do it better than anybody we’ve found locally! And I do make this wonderful salsa to go with the fish and shrimp. Marvelous!

As I have said so many times, it is the Lord’s blessing that I am here. We do believe that we are living in Paradise on earth anyway, back in FL. I have been able to find some genuinely caring doctors who have gone above and beyond to see to my care. I thought that I would simply see a breast reconstruction surgeon when I got to FL as that was what I was cautioned by my oncologist. I had a lump that was needle biopsied after an MRI couldn’t tell clearly what the lump was. When I brought the MRI to the FL surgeon and we discussed the lump, he said he wasn’t as concerned with getting that out as he was with the picture of my other breast. He showed us that it clearly showed the implant was millimeters from pushing through my skin! This would have been catastrophic on many levels he said. Immediate overwhelming infection, and less so, they couldn’t put the implant back in for 6-12 months. He emphasized the need for immediate surgery which I couldn’t believe they got approved so quickly with my insurance company. Once he got in, he said he found a mess. The previous breast surgeon I had after my double mastectomy had put in silicone implants, one that ruptured. When he replaced it, he never bothered to clean out the silicone. So it’s been flowing around loose in my body for all these years. It probably has something to do with the immunity disorder that I have as I have read that the silicone ruptures did lead to immunity issues in people. All I can say is it’s a good thing he is retired!!! Because of all the mess, it took 3 hours to do my surgery.  This surgeon has been incredible. I asked him about his bill and he said I would never see one. I asked if he was sure that Mentor would pay for my implants, he said absolutely. The hospital care was great too. Even his follow-up care has been above-board. He saw me in the office on a Sunday last week because of course, I have some infection. But he wanted to check me himself instead of sending me to the ER. Can you believe that? And he had already driven an hour out-of-town to do military stuff for 9 days. He is the only guy they use!!

Today I had another block in my back after seeing a neurosurgeon who wants to do a sacroiliac join fusion which he thinks will help my pain hugely. But the catch is being off of my right leg weight for 6-8weeks and I live in a townhouse. I need a stair lift and right now that isn’t doable anymore than more surgery is–maybe late this fall? In the meantime, I have a great pain management doc and he schedules me really fast. We saw him Wed and I had the block today. I have no pain at all in the joint. It usually takes a few days for the muscle going over to my hip to get the medicine to, but here is hoping it works for a while!

I have had the most difficult of business weeks. I don’t think I could have managed without my devotional and all of the scriptures from Jesus Calling. Please pray for me that next week goes well as it is a very important week of interviews!

So now we have been here 3 months. Slowly making friends with our neighbors and people at the church. It’s been hard with me being down, but I hope to start having people over for dinner! And I can’t wait for Bible Study to start in the fall. Bible Study and Sunday School that’s where you make your best friends.

so I think that is enough of an update for now.

Cindy