Just A Quick Note

For those of you who have been following me for some time now, you might remember that one of my many trials has been with rheumatoid arthritis. In fact, there was a time in 2011 and early 2012 when I was off of the Remicade medicine because of a systemic infection I had and I was in so much pain, I was just almost asking the Lord to take me home.  I guess if I was a suicidal person which I am most certainly not, that would have been an option for me.  It was a 24/7 grinding pain. I was always aware of it even in what sleep I got. Again, you might remember my writing of a woman praying for me outside of my BSF (Bible Study Fellowship International) and God taking that grinding pain away. I felt so fortunate when the immunologist allowed me to go back on Remicade when he put me on the gamma globulin for the immunity disorder. Then there was the big, bad C Difficele  infection in my colon that I got last April  2012 and we tried and tried to cure it. Do you remember how that cure started? I was sitting in an urgent care waiting on test results, hoping I didn’t have sepsis again. while I was waiting God said to me, ” Cindy, if you don’t stop taking the Remicade,  you will never get rid of the C Diff.  And of course I began to argue with Him!! You would have thought that I would have learned by then! I was so upset that He would even ask me after I had suffered so much the last time I was off of it. This time He said, you won’t hurt anymore. I can still remember the amazement I felt. One, why had I had to hurt so badly the other time? How was I going to trust Him with this now? So I told Him just that. And that it wasn’t just me to be convinced, but also my husband and my doctors. He laughed or chuckled at me and said ok if I remember correctly without going back to that post. Two minutes later my phone buzzed and a scripture came scrolling across the face of it. Numbers 29:19 This scripture still blows me away and one of my dear loved ones and fellow blogger used this scripture just this week. 

God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man that He should change His mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill?

I looked at that scripture and I just started laughing! I said back to Him, “You are really serious about this aren’t you?” He was. Of course my husband was concerned when I told him what I wanted to do and some of my doctors thought I was crazy-but not the believers of course, they and I knew better than to disobey the Lord. And of course my C Diff was cured.  Looks like it is still cured or if it raised it’s ugly head for a couple of weeks, the medicine I was given this time, worked. But the reason for this quick little post is to give you are an update on my RA.

When we first moved to Atlanta, one of my first new doctors was a rheumatologist. When he first examined me, I had been off of Remicade about 4 months. I told him my story. His response was that he would take all the help he could get (wherever it came from). Still he said for someone who had had the disease as long as I had and has bad as I had, once he examined me and then looked at the xrays, he could believe that I was in such great shape. He smiled when I said I wasn’t surprised. So yesterday I saw him again. This time he is even more surprised. he says ” I am in remission”. That remission is the only way he can explain my continued lack of joint pain like I used to have and the flexiblity that I exhibited during the exam. (even with my lower back-which he says is a disc problem, not RA) Even the nodules that you used to could feel on my heels or different places including my hands are better. That isn’t remission, that an amazing God!!

So besides what seems to be the turning around of my life in terms of my business which will make such a great impact on our finances, I believe that God is truly healing me. Maybe one disease at a time and maybe with a little help, but I am planning for a future now, a bright future for as long as the Lord taries…which frankly I don’t think is so very far in the future if you have studied even a little bit of Prophecy. I certainly hope to speak to this with the next post.

In the meantime, for Big Brother who I understand reads everything that is posted, please feel free to email me your questions as I am sure there are many. I serve an awesome and mighty, miraculous God. The God who made this planet, this universe and all that is out there beyond us. I love and worship my God and my Savior Jesus Christ.  I want that to be perfectly clear and if I have not made it clear every time I have posted before, I will now. As the Apostle Paul, I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, my Lord.

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There Are Hardly Words…Yet Someone Has to Speak…

I just finished watching the Mike Huckabee show on Fox. I didn’t even hear of the holocaust for that was what it was for those children, those teachers until late yesterday afternoon. This time I have deliberately not watched the television or read much about it, because truthfully it was more than I could process myself.  Not that Meningitis is as serious a thing as what has happened in this small town in CT, but what I have found meningitis to do to me as person is more surprising. I don’t remember this same reaction 2 years ago. It was also viral meningitis-but different virus they say. And no I can’t help it-it has to do with the immunity issue. Obviously I will no longer be able to take any immuno suppressant drugs for my RA, in fact nothing but pain pills for the moment. The doctor is afraid he might kill me with the next infection that doesn’t respond to antibiotics. Of course, I try to tell him that question, time and day are quite up to the Lord, only He knows how many days of life I have written in that Book. And mostly I have to admit that my pain is still not unbearable like it used to be. I’ve asked the Lord to heal me completely my goodness look at how well I did w/out the pain, I can only imagine what I might be like again if I were whole. To that end, I am putting it out there, that I have prayed with a man who has the gift of healing from God the Holy Spirit. I know this Spirit well, He has resided in me over 40 years and so Spirit recognizes Spirit. I think certainly the Lord expects us to test that and know what we are dealing with. I know that my encapsulated shoulder is no longer encapsulated. Before I couldn’t use the arm hardly at all. Now, it is normal. I believe that I was healed so well from the pulmonary embolism this summer because of prayer and very specific prayer for healing. My doctors said there is no sign or evidence of scarring from the embolism like they would have expected. I say Hallelujah! So with a meningitis diagnosis and a hospital ya’ll all know where I have been. I had prayed all day Saturday as it was coming on me, not for it to be so bad-but I know what His expectation is when I go. I told Him I hurt so bad, how was I going to be able to speak with anyone? that’s when He reminded me from Matthew 10:19-20 do not worry about what to say or how to say it; when the times comes you will be given what you should say.  For it will not be just you speaking, But the Spirit of your heavenly Father speaking through you.

It truly was that way. I was checked into my room about 5 am. The nurse was very nice and as she went through my history, she kept exclaiming over it and she kept telling me how positive I was about it all. I just said It’s God that makes the difference. But that was all I said. She finished asking finally and turned and began walking out of the room. When God wants you to do something, it doesn’t matter how you feel. You just have to do it. I said to her, “wait, just a minute I’ve got a question for you! So she turned back around to hear my question which was-If you meet God tonight what will  you tell him when He asks you why He should let you into His heaven? She said oh I am going to tell Him I have always wanted to be a part of all that love and goodness and that’s why. I said  You’d be a little too late. you see, you have to decide to be for Jesus or against Jesus when you are alive on earth. I gave her many scriptures I have given here before, but in my words, Jesus is speaking and saying Hey there!! I am knocking on your Door of your  Heart and if anyone hears Me and Opens the Door, I will come in to Him and I will stay with Him forever, as in never leave you, you can’t make me go either, I will love you forever and ever and ever. Aren’t those exciting words? I love knowing that Very God is living inside of me-not because I deserve it or that it’s even clean enough in there for Him. However I will tell you He has been working diligently to clean me up-areas and closets full that I didn’t know I had. But He knew and so they have to go. Well that’s a whole ‘nother topic too-so just to finish the story. I asked the nurse if she understood now how to become a part of God’s family. Oh yes, she did; I expected us to talk again that night so that I could make sure she had prayed and was sure of her commitment. But when I asked for her I was told, “she’s a floater, you won’t see her again.”  Oh that hand on my shoulder again! This time showing me it was a good thing that I had reached out when I did-no second chance there!!

 

To Act Without Knowing How You function is not good; and if You Rush Ahead, You Miss Your Goal.

That is from Proverbs 19: 2. My emphasis tonight is the rushing ahead. I am not going to as I usually do-rush what you say? Our move back to Atlanta, Ga after 30 years in Florida. I did think I would spend the rest of my life here. I do love and the weather. I have come to love our little house that the Lord gave us too and often tell the story of how we came to it.  I love my BSF group and will probably miss them the most. I have made some dear friends here.  So how was I rushing? We knew that we were going to move back up to Atlanta when our lease was up in June, so we thought to look around and see what kind of housing might be available for what kind of money. We found a great apartment with superb amenities. There were only 2 negatives. The kitchen was miniscule. (even to their drawers-only one large one and across the room, one very small one.) Since the point of our arrangement is for me to slow down and take lots better care of myself,   He’s been doing the cooking and shopping for us. So if HE said He could deal with the kitchen, then why should I worry about  it  all the time? So what did I do/not do?  First I presented our dilemma to our landlady…who could not have been more gracious and understanding. And She went me one farther, find your place and then move. Go ahead and be packing, know that God is in everything. aaah, how our God does work. .So after speaking with the landlady and getting the green light, Dennis just started packing away. We were to call the apartment people that our daughter had gone over and spoken with on Saturday and fill out an online app and overnight an application fee. But as we started to do those final thing, I was certain, that I was rushing and it wasn’t good. I looked at my husband and said the same to him. I think I shocked twenty years off of him, but as we prayed and our spirits calmed, we knew we were making the right decision. It may not seem that way for the world because in all liklihood we will lose the apartment.  For us that certainty was a hard decision. but, we believe if that happens God just has something better for us. 

Some Good News!

I know, many of you are saying finally! Does that girl just  live in sadness and darkness all the time? Well of course I don’t I wouldn’t have survived till now! I have been pretty open about my problems with the C difficile Bacteria I have had in my colon since last April. That is six long months and six doses of the most powerful and expensive antibiotics one can buy. This is another thing  that I can be thankful for and that is my Aetna healthcare insurance. They certainly came up to the mark and with the doctor’s explanation (a natural requirement) they paid the bill and I paid a $5 co-pay instead of $1500 twice and $3000 once!!

I had a new kind of procedure  done by the gastroenterologist that so far, they have had 100%   results with. and fortunately for me, I didn’t break their streak!! for the first time in 6 months I had a negative test. Hallelujah! And it was 2 months today that God told me in that clinic waiting room that I had to come off of the Remecaid so that I could be healed of the C Difficele. And He promised to take care of the pain this time.  All of my doctors except the Christians thought I was crazy, but He is always faithful I have not hurt and I am healed of the C Diff. I am not healed of the RA as I had  hoped and so mid November I will get my first infusion. I am hoping that since I am not so bad now anyway, and I am trusting the Lord to keep me ok till I can get the medicine, that I won’t have to go so high with the dosage. I know I am not healed because I still have the dry eyes and the dry mouth spillover from shogrens a kind of RA that I don’t test positive for but still have dry skin, dry mouth, dry eyes, dry tissues-like my ears, and the doctor says that means I am very dry internally good-not such a good thing.

But that’s ok, that’s alright! I have been healed of C Diff!!

Thank you , Abba Father! For your care and for your unfailing faithfulness to me!  Surely I am learning your lessons to trust and obey you in all things. I would like to get to the day when I do not question. I just do it. Continue to teach me Abba, I long to do your will , O Lord and to please you forevermore. Grant me freedom from this latest respiratory infection/bug. help me to sleep tonight Lord. I haven’t really slept well in over a week because it is hard to sleep sitting up.. I know I have  really been having a harder time  with my breathing at night. It gets so restricted and that’s when I have to stay cool. the Lord is not going to take me after  HE has given me other things to do. Just so ya’ll push me know that I am  gathering my material for the next book-this being a memoir. Thank you Abba for all of your many, many blessings this week, including getting Diane moved. in the Precious Name of Jesus Christ your Son, I ask all these things and more unspoken, but the Spirit knows. Amen and Amen.

Hiccups, There Are Always Hiccups

It’s time to go back and fill everybody in on all my goings on. I had so hoped that I would have great news to share that my C Diff is healed/gone away, but I don’t think so. I am hoping that with a test that will be done tomorrow or Wednesday, that’s not the case and that whatever I am dealing with is leftovers, but I don’t think so. This is one of those things that you just know you’ve got.  But one GREAT piece of news is that MY GOD has continued to keep me from the incredible pain that I usually experience from my RA with no treatment at all. He said I had to be off of the Remecaid for me to every be healed of the C Diff-I think that means that I will be healed. Maybe the procedure just has to happen twice for me to work the miracle that it is. So I will try and reschedule that for a week or two down the road-whatever the doctor thinks I can handle.

The other procedure  I went through was to help my “dry eyes”–I get infections in them all the time because of it and so a neuropthamalogist lifted up my bottom lids of my eyes to cover more of my corneas. He is very good, but because I have been on coumadin even though I was off of it for the surgery, I still bruised horribly. I had two shiners like you wouldn’t believe.  It has taken 3 weeks for everything on my face to go back to normal and me not look beaten up! My Dry Eyes as they call them are from my RA; I also have the dry mouth and dry skin that go along with them. Sometimes my mouth gets so dry if I don’t have my water with me, everything sticks together and I can’t talk; so I try to always have a bottle of water with me wherever I am.

 I stayed in bed much of this last weekend. I think I was recovering from everything I’d been through and not had the time to recover from. I spent a lot of time in my Bible though. First of all I am fascinated by the Book of Genesis. I thought I had studied before! I either forgot what I knew or truly God has opened my eyes to so much more. As I have said before, now that I understand and can explain so much better the Trinity, I can read Genesis with a whole different way of looking at it. Forgive me if I repeat myself, but again and again, I am overcome with God’s incredible, everlasting, overiding love for me, for others I  know Christian and non Christian-because He died for them too, regardless of their belief or acceptance. It doesn’t alter the FACT.  For we all know that before the foundation of the world, The Trinity/God  had a plan to create the human race, knowing that we would choose our own way, so sin came into the perfect He had created just for us. If you really take the time to read how and in what order things were created, you would see how careful and precise everything was ordered. What I read didn’t take away from science, so I don’t understand what most people’s problems are about believing creation-its just too perfect to have “happened” in an explosion or morphing over time. It certainly makes more sense than aliens starting our race! I can’t even go there. So once sin was in the world, God’s plan continued and if you were to read the Bible all the way through or even just the major chapters of each book, You would see God’s plan working. Prophecy started in the very 1st chapter of Genesis about Jesus coming. So you know He had a plan. And all through the prophets and the Psalms there is prophecy, lots and lots and lots of prophecy of the coming Savior.  What no one understood is that there were two comings prophesied -Jesus came first as a baby born of a virgin,  to grow up to die for our sin-he was to be the final sacrifice, the Passover Lamb, but everyone was looking for a  King.   The next time He comes, He won’t disappoint, He will come as the King of Kings.  This time, everyone on the entire earth at the same time will see His coming! And after He puts down the garbage that has taken over the earth with their false messiah and the do what you want to do society…Then every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Those who have not accepted His gift of salvation the garbage included, they are sent to the pit for a thousand years. We will have a new heaven and a new earth and a new Jerusalem. We won’t need the Sun because our world will be lit by the light of our God who will live here among us. I can’t even imagine that. I want to-especially when I hear my favorite song-I can only imagine.  When I hear it, I just know that probably the first thousand days I will be on my face unable to speak at all,and then the next, I’ll be up and dancing and singing (again) with my loved ones who are there also.

So if you have read this tonight-somehow found this blog by accident-I am here to tell you it was no accident!  I pray you will take in and ask God seriously for yourself-do you know Him personally? Have you asked HIM to come into your heart? To forgive your sin? you may think your pretty good or at least not so bad, but GOD says no one not perfect comes into my Heaven. So how do we get there? by having Jesus in our hearts He makes us perfect.  He has made me perfect in body and in spirit. I don’t question Him anymore about why did you make me like this?? Because I know there is someone I will talk and understand with  because I had it too.  just like the wicked C Diff, a week ago, I spoke with a woman who had had it for 5 weeks in the hospital in isolation. She was so glad to speak to somebody that had had it and understood what it was and how you felt. Everything…she was just happy there was somebody. Thank you God that I could be her somebody.

THE LORD IS WORKING ON MY TRUST FACTOR

And now it has been a  week again! This time, except for a couple of Doctor appointments, I was in all week, but once again dealing with a bacterial infection. and not much   voice either, but God has beenvery plain spoken with me and I have read the most wonderful  scriptures and devotionals t hat were directed right to me in terms of trusting and of course faith.

I have not been given permission to share all of this yet. but I will share what  I can.

the last 2 -3 weeks have been very difficult physically, regardless of being on antibiotics. I have still had C Diff which is not any fun to have  even if you are on meds. and it was still August, my worst asthma month-it has felt like I have had it all month. Now it  is September and I am starting it off the same way!  And not only me, but I have watched as my family has been attacked. My sister’s husband started his chemo this week. Part of  the “cocktail” is Rituxin. He was on it 20 min, when he started reacting.;He had hives, then the nausea , then a small seizure–all of  this totally freaked both my sister and my brother in law out.And did I mention her youngest son had been out with a virus for most of the week, and her car engine blew something up to the tune  $900$ She called me while I was on the phone with my new BSF Bible teacher–so we immediately prayed.  Then my daughter called. She was on the way to the hospital with my 7  yr old granddaughter. She had a pretty bad  case of bacterial pnuemonia!! I reassured my daughter as much as I could, reminding her that she had also had pneumonia twice one winter and her sister once!! That medically things were so much better now and that I was sure that our girl was going to be fine.I would be praying and so would all my great friends.  (of course I was right. the doc thought 4 days. she was only in for 2)

Suddenly my eyes were opened and I could see that my family is being attached even more than usual==I immediately got on my face before the Lord. I asked Him for  protection because I was going to have to confront this  devil -, I am even having to type this a third time-my words keep disappearing on me!  I remind you Satan who won? I did! Because of Jesus!! Go Back to Hell and Leave ME and MY FAMILY alone in the name of Christ Jesus the Son of the Living God!

So let’s go back to last Sunday night and my first scripture. I will type what I can, but there is a lot. I may have to let you look up too.  or I am send you to a particular blog .  Numbers 23: 19-20  God is not a man,  that he should lie, nor a son of man, t hat he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act?  Does he promise and not fulfill? I have received a command to bless;  he has blessed it, and I cannot change it

Is that not just the most beautiful 2 verses? And given to me 2 minutes after I asked for confirmation!  The Lord really wanted me to know, didn’t he?  And then the next day He sent me to Avie’s Place a blog I follow-what a wonderful teacher of the Word she is! Today is was Psalm 119:1658 Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make you stumble.  I wait for your salvation, O Lord, and I follow your commands.  I  obey your statutes, for I love them greatly. I obey your precepts and your statutes, for all my ways are known to you.  This post was about peace, the peace you get when you trust absolutely. and then I think this was next although I wondered why it wasn’t 2nd.  It is 1st Peter 5:8 -9   Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil  prowls around likes a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.  Now you see why I needed this verse reminder a little earlier?    

Then we went to Ecclesiastes written by the way by Solomon -son of David, a man after God’s own heart When I read David’s story or even Solomon’s story or anyone’s story for that matter, I know once again that God can forgive anyone, anything, anytime, anywhere–JUST BECAUSE HE LOVES US.  But we do have to be obedient…as Solomon discovered late in life as he also finally found the purpose in life. He had looked for it everywhere,  in everything, But of course our purpose is only fulfilled in our Lord–when He fills up that hole in our hearts  we all come with  —and that hole is only filled by the Holy Spirit of God Himself, then, can you know your purpose. We will be talking about that in the future.”

So my week has been all about the Lord talking trust me, Trust me TRUST ME. The first night that He spoke to me, MY  Lord God said “Cindy, I love you, I love you, I love you, I  love you. ..but you don’t trust me.”…his first words almost and when I said,” no,I do trust you,” He again replied,”” no, you don’t trust me, but you will.”  I have come to find out that Trusting the Lord  with all my heart is the most important  thing to Him NEXT to  Honoring and Loving Him and Putting Him first in all Things.-which is the first and greatest commandment. And I will tell you that it is easier to follow than the learning to trust so completely. How very, very hard it is.But  it is what we are called to do and when the Lord singles you out for something and  He consistently confirms it,  You know you have to do it, even if it scares you, and it doesn’t seem the right thing to do. But Obviously I will know soon if I must do this thing.   and if I must then I will be calling  on you to pray for me like never before. I feel like the t he guy in the Raiders of the Lost Ark or the sequel when t hey   were looking for Jesus’ chalice from the last supper.  He had to take a step out on faith that there was a bridge when there was no evidence of a bridge–but of course as soon as he put his foot out there-it was there for  him. I am hoping for that for me. And I should be able to explain further later this week.

 

             

It’s Been A Whole Week!

It has been a whole week since a post from me! Beloved ones, it is not because I wanted it that way, it was that part of the week I was really sick again with the asthma. My precious Lord told 5 people to call me that day to pray for me! I was so surprised!  Each one knew I was ill, but not with what and that they were to pray and so they did. This was Tuesday. It was very difficult because I needed to work–I had made good calls the day before but Tuesday is always followup day. I had been up twice during the night to use my nebulizer 1 am and then at 5-never went back to sleep–knew my breathing was really diminished. I had called the doctor and was told to go back up to 60 mg of prednisone and keep using the neb. I did work all day but God was so good to me. He literally  dropped in my lap 2 people who were great fits for 2 new searches that I had been asked to work with another associate out of Indianapolis. She is going to present them to the client on Monday and I am so glad for her! She seems to be a fine partner, thinks like I do–it’s not guaranteed that every time you get asked to do something by another team, that the relationship will be trustworthy or that you will even like one another! So I am grateful on many counts.

So let’s go back a week to Jeremiah 17:12 Notice the order here-praising and worshipping first, then requesting. 

A glorious throne, exalted from the beginning is the place of our sanctuary.   O Lord, the hope of  Israel, all who forsake you will be put to shame.  Those who turn away from you will be written in the dust because they have forsaken the Lord, the Spring of Living Water.  Heal me,  O Lord, and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved, for you are the  one I praise.

Now everybody don’t get excited all at once! I have prayed for healing before now and I have been prayed for and over. I do believe that I am healed, that it may not manifest itself for awhile or while I am here on this earth.  My Lord and I have done a lot of talking about my body, what’s been wrong with it all  my life, what I am doing now, what I can expect in the future. I really don’t have all the answers except for this. I trust my Lord and Father God with everything that I have and I am. He uses the illnesses or attacks or crazy things I catch to put me in the right place, at the right time, to speak with a particular person-that apparently I needed to be the one to do the sharing and the reaping which is so much fun! I would rather talk about Jesus and all that He has done and is doing not just for me but for so many that I know about–than  just about anything else  I can think of!   I do have to be careful though, there are other things to speak of than Jesus and my work  I know-and I can’t be a good friend, good family member, good at anything else if I don’t pay close attention when needed and wanted.

I did want to say thank you to those 5 people who called me on Tues when I was so sick and the Lord told you to call and pray for me. I was sick and terribly afraid I was going to have to go back to the Hospital and stay again. But God honored your obedience in calling and praying and He answered by keeping me out of the hospital and I was able to work through it.

 This week He made some people who have needed jobs for over a year, or wanted a particular position with a particular company, or always worked toward a company with a future and a position of authority –these people were all happy tonight this week, and today yes it is 3 in the morning. I was so privileged to be a part of all of it. It is one of the reasons I do work hard.

so I  say  Thank you Jesus!