Surely God Is My Salvation; I Will Trust And Not Be Afraid, Isaiah 12:2

The verse in the title came from my devotional this morning. I should finish it…  “The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation”. The Lord told me that hardships come my way as part of my journey. He is careful as He allows them and exactly how hard they are! But He said to not retreat in fear from the afflictions, since they are among His most favored gifts.  This was from the book JESUS CALLING  by Sarah Young.

Now let me tell you why this was so very important to me this morning. Last night, we had gotten home from a short visit to the Panhandle of Florida (more news on that later) but I had been short of breath and my chest had hurt increasingly as I coughed or laughed. So I had used my nebulizer, taken my other meds and just gone to bed early. I knew there was no way that I wanted to go to the ER on a Saturday night in Atlanta! I slept most of the night propped up on multiple pillows and had a neck pillow for my head.  My husband had thought a heating pad would help, so I used that too. Still we woke up early, not having gotten a lot of sleep. It was a rough night! Oh how much I prayed about NOT going to the hospital again! I prayed in the early morning, really having a running conversation with the Lord because by then, He had told me to go. I begged and pleaded not to have to or even just to go to Immediate Care, but no, He was so insistent. I can’t laugh, because it hurts, but I think now back on our conversation, He was very gentle, but like I said, so compelling me to go there!

So off we went. Everyone thought I had thrown another clot. I kept saying, ” I don’t have sticky blood!”, but the symptoms were there. The problem was that they needed to get an IV in the crook of the arm area. NOT the best vein area for me. I have the tiniest veins! It took 2 IV nurses and a sonogram machine to get the IV in a vein that didn’t blow! I have bruises everywhere else. The good news is/was that it wasn’t another clot! The bad news is that it seems I have pleurisy-and oh my goodness, does it ever hurt! They treat it with steroids, just like my asthma, so once they kick in, perhaps I’ll feel better. Steroids generally gave me energy and took away my RA pain. I certainly pray they will take away the lung pain. I have to admit to being pretty miserable with it.

And yet, I truly can say, thank you Lord! Thank you for the check up which I apparently needed. Yes, He knew that. And yes, I can praise Him through the pain as He is my Strength and my Song. Still, I would appreciate your prayers as I recuperate.

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MY ARM UPDATE

I have progressed to being able to type  for short periods. I don’t have to use all caps, can use punctuation, paragraphs and the sort so I thought I might finally be ready for an update.

I had the MRI of my shoulder that I had said I would have after Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, it showed that I had fractured my shoulder-and 4 weeks later not healed and that I had 3 tears in different places including the rotator cuff! When I saw my doctor, he was surprised about the fracture as I was, not so much about the rotator cuff tear but the others absolutely! He said “No wonder you hurt!” And I said, ” Did you think I was faking?” He of course did not, but thought that I was in an inordinate amount of pain for what he had thought I was dealing with! Actually I think the fact that I manage with the pain that I deal with at all is a miracle and be able to work too. So now that the shoulder is so very complicated, he has decided to pass me up/down to “more qualified” surgeon doctors in his practice! I guess I should be thankful as my daughters thought. I really liked him though, and now at the end of the year, I have to start all over with a new doctor. He knew I wasn’t happy about it, but advised me that anybody would insist on the fracture healing before operating.

So on to my next challenge! I had to have GYN (female) surgery on the 19th. This is NOT SOMETHING I AM GOING TO DISCUSS HERE! Surprise! I know that I have been really open about my foibles and life and all, but except to say that if I had not had this surgery, that sometime in the near future, my life could have been at serious risk. That being said, it also was terribly painful! The doc said, oh, it will be like you had a baby. Ok that wasn’t so bad except that’s when I found out I was allergic to iodine. They used to put it in a spray on solution for episiotomy incisions. THAT was much worse than having the baby! So I thought, it couldn’t be that bad! WRONG!! This is 62 like having a baby! God did not make us to have babies at 62 except as He has reminded me Sarah at 100 had Issac -in the desert and with no drugs! So I guess i need to quit complaining except that I don’t seem to be healing well here either.

Why have I shared such information now with all of you? Because I know you pray for me. So I am asking for all of your prayers… it has made such a difference in my life before… I need to heal. I know I have the immunity issue, but I wouldn’t have thought that would impede healing, maybe it is, I don’t know. The Lord has not told me He will not heal me, he has just offered comfort in other ways. My dear husband is doing his best to feed me nutritious things that will promote my healing… but like I said, the shoulder fracture was still “very fractured” at 6 weeks, so I only know to go to the Lord in prayer. 

I remind Him of all of scriptures on healing like the familiar Isaiah 53:5  …and by His wounds we are healed… This is important for all of us though James 5:16 …pray for each other that you may be healed… and 1st Peter  2:24 …by his wounds you have been healed.  But I do think the key is praying for one another. So while I am praying for ya’ll, please be praying for me!

Goodnight and God bless!

Just A Quick Note

For those of you who have been following me for some time now, you might remember that one of my many trials has been with rheumatoid arthritis. In fact, there was a time in 2011 and early 2012 when I was off of the Remicade medicine because of a systemic infection I had and I was in so much pain, I was just almost asking the Lord to take me home.  I guess if I was a suicidal person which I am most certainly not, that would have been an option for me.  It was a 24/7 grinding pain. I was always aware of it even in what sleep I got. Again, you might remember my writing of a woman praying for me outside of my BSF (Bible Study Fellowship International) and God taking that grinding pain away. I felt so fortunate when the immunologist allowed me to go back on Remicade when he put me on the gamma globulin for the immunity disorder. Then there was the big, bad C Difficele  infection in my colon that I got last April  2012 and we tried and tried to cure it. Do you remember how that cure started? I was sitting in an urgent care waiting on test results, hoping I didn’t have sepsis again. while I was waiting God said to me, ” Cindy, if you don’t stop taking the Remicade,  you will never get rid of the C Diff.  And of course I began to argue with Him!! You would have thought that I would have learned by then! I was so upset that He would even ask me after I had suffered so much the last time I was off of it. This time He said, you won’t hurt anymore. I can still remember the amazement I felt. One, why had I had to hurt so badly the other time? How was I going to trust Him with this now? So I told Him just that. And that it wasn’t just me to be convinced, but also my husband and my doctors. He laughed or chuckled at me and said ok if I remember correctly without going back to that post. Two minutes later my phone buzzed and a scripture came scrolling across the face of it. Numbers 29:19 This scripture still blows me away and one of my dear loved ones and fellow blogger used this scripture just this week. 

God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man that He should change His mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill?

I looked at that scripture and I just started laughing! I said back to Him, “You are really serious about this aren’t you?” He was. Of course my husband was concerned when I told him what I wanted to do and some of my doctors thought I was crazy-but not the believers of course, they and I knew better than to disobey the Lord. And of course my C Diff was cured.  Looks like it is still cured or if it raised it’s ugly head for a couple of weeks, the medicine I was given this time, worked. But the reason for this quick little post is to give you are an update on my RA.

When we first moved to Atlanta, one of my first new doctors was a rheumatologist. When he first examined me, I had been off of Remicade about 4 months. I told him my story. His response was that he would take all the help he could get (wherever it came from). Still he said for someone who had had the disease as long as I had and has bad as I had, once he examined me and then looked at the xrays, he could believe that I was in such great shape. He smiled when I said I wasn’t surprised. So yesterday I saw him again. This time he is even more surprised. he says ” I am in remission”. That remission is the only way he can explain my continued lack of joint pain like I used to have and the flexiblity that I exhibited during the exam. (even with my lower back-which he says is a disc problem, not RA) Even the nodules that you used to could feel on my heels or different places including my hands are better. That isn’t remission, that an amazing God!!

So besides what seems to be the turning around of my life in terms of my business which will make such a great impact on our finances, I believe that God is truly healing me. Maybe one disease at a time and maybe with a little help, but I am planning for a future now, a bright future for as long as the Lord taries…which frankly I don’t think is so very far in the future if you have studied even a little bit of Prophecy. I certainly hope to speak to this with the next post.

In the meantime, for Big Brother who I understand reads everything that is posted, please feel free to email me your questions as I am sure there are many. I serve an awesome and mighty, miraculous God. The God who made this planet, this universe and all that is out there beyond us. I love and worship my God and my Savior Jesus Christ.  I want that to be perfectly clear and if I have not made it clear every time I have posted before, I will now. As the Apostle Paul, I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, my Lord.

BURNED NERVES!

 

Well, I had so hoped that my life in the fast health lane and quit for a while and I do still have high hopes for it, but today, I suffered through the burning of the nerves in the facets (joints) in the vertebrae in my lower back. I had 4 nerve blocks previously, but nothing lasted very long. Having had to endure all kinds of pain in my life, I still say that nerve pain is the worst. So when I finally saw Spinal Pain Specialists associated with my hospital and introduced to me by my daughter when she was getting her own block for a herniated disc issue-totally different from mine, I was amazed by the exam  and their conclusions. And really so far the treatment has been borne out by where the last 2 blocks that they did were placed.  I just would like to change positions –in bed, in and out of a chair,  and regain  my ability to stand or walk for a while. The doctor says I will get all of this back! and Without Surgery! Today I just had some Twilight sleep, they call it. What I hadn’t expected was hurting when I woke up! I didn’t with the others,  but to burn nerves, bigger needles are used and go through muscle and  so the “side effects”. But if it works…WOW!

Prayer requests oh so many and I don’t exactly know how to write them so that they are anonymous-prayer for a dear one that all that needs to be remembered and done-in other words keep all the balls in the air at all times, so that absolutely nothing falls. for another dear friend, continued healing, someone’s dad diagnosed with cancer, for all the planned Bible Studies that will start up when school starts back, including my beloved BSF. For us to find a church home where God wants us, for my daughters-one a new job and the other a solution to her “back” problem. And for our nation, I am with Billy Graham, America can come back to God! All we need is for God’s people to pray!

G’night and God Bless!

Cindy

 

I AM VERY TOUCHED AT THE OUTPOURING OF YOUR LOVE AND PRAYERS

Thank you Diane for letting everyone know I was in the hospital again. It does seem like my second home, doesn’t it?  but everyone should remember that the LORD HIMSELF said that when He brought me to the hospital, it was to do His work, and surprisingly I was able to accomplish that. Again, because of Him!

Friday morning I woke up and my left side didn’t work. I couldn’t communicate with my husband except that when I got his attention he could see he had to get me to the ER immediately. He dressed me in a sweat suit, socks and shoes and then half carried me down the hall to the elevator and then to the car. We are only about 10 minutes from the hospital and again, he half carried me in to a wheelchair. As soon as he said, “I think my wife has had a stroke”, the  nurse took over and said come right this way-there was no name, no insurance-just let us help you. It turns out that this hospital is a Stroke Hospital. And from that moment on everything was done to diagnose and contain any damage. It was the most amazing thing. As I lay there on the table realizing that I couldn’t communicate… That I couldn’t smile correctly-that essentially my left side of my face was frozen-not working… That my left hand, I could move my hand, but not really do much with it and as far as my foot was concerned, it failed all the tests…I started really talking to my Father. I told Him that this simply wouldn’t do. I couldn’t stay like this. He either needed to come and get me or He needed to heal me. That to not be able to work would be a catastrophe for us in every way. I truly was ready for Him to come and get me-but He began to remind me of all of the reasons He had brought me to Atlanta and the need of my husband for me as well. So I talked right back and said ok-yes I want to live up to my responsibilities, but I need healing to do so. I can’t do the work you have given me to do in the state I am in now. He reminded me of what He had been saying all week the last week–follow my precepts. Ok, so what have I not done? Where has my heart failed you?…I didn’t get an answer to that…just ringing in my ears was follow me. They checked me into a room of course and told me that I was going to be very busy…and I was. I had people lined up to see me; a physical therapist, speech therapist, rehabilitation specialist, nutritionist–I am sure there were more. When they were all gone, I took a nap. I was exhausted! But when my husband came to see me that night, he could understand my speech; I could walk with the walker; I could sign my name…all huge improvements from just that morning!  

The next day was more of the same; only more tests too. The tests they did, like the echo cardio-gram, I’ve had them before, but they add a bubble test to it. It seems that  30% of the population is walking around with a small hole in their hearts that didn’t heal from birth and sometimes a little teeny clot pops through that hole and goes straight up to the head. I had  NEVER heard of that before! Again one more thing about being in Atlanta! I knew this was a God thing!  

After that test, they sent me down to Xray. Guess who I met? Yes!! The reason I was there! A young lady who was ill with an autoimmune disease just like me, in pain like I have been, who wanted to and almost did commit suicide. I told ya’ll that I had had that fleeting thought when I was in such horrible pain before so I do understand, but I could not. Still here was a person who had gone almost there, except for the grace of God and probably protective angels around her. I shared with her extensively and she with me. Never have I had that kind of time with someone in radiology-but it was obvious that God was giving us this time and I made the most of it. Pray for her. You don’t need to know her name. God knows it. She still has issues to settle as I did. WHY? is a big one.

When I got back to my room, my doctor came in and said they had the results of the MRI that they had done and had compared them with the MRIs I had from Tampa that we had gotten for them. They needed to do another test because it looked like I have a tiny little aneurysm 2cm and they wanted to confirm it and make sure it wasn’t just a wonky artery. One more test that required a new IV which are very difficult for me. I have terrible veins especially where t hey needed this one to be. I blew 3 veins before we got one to hold long enough for the test. Still it blew at the end of it! The next morning I saw a new doctor. He is a neurosurgeon. If I had had my glasses on, I guess I would have known something of what he was going to tell me.  Yes, I have a little aneurysm, but the good news is (I think) that it is not big enough to operate on; so they will watch it and scan it on a regular basis. As for the problems that I have when I turn my neck a certain way, I probably cut off the circulation due to my numerous neck surgeries, hardware, and possible degeneration of the discs. I should have it checked by the neurologist, along with the other symptoms we discussed which would require a spinal tap-again, check with the neurologist. The only thing a neurosurgeon does in this town is operate, I guess. Still, he didn’t poo-poo anything. He gave it serious consideration and said this is how that is tested. Do this. I appreciate that greatly. Again God put us in Atlanta just in time for this special care that I could not get in Tampa. He is always going before us and preparing the way. How could anyone not love and worship a Heavenly Father like this?

This was Sunday morning that I got all this news. I was sitting in bed waiting for my admitting doc to come and discharge me when the cleaning lady came in. She asked if she could come in, I said yes, of course. I was doing something. I can’t remember, but all of a sudden she said,”What size shoes are these? They must be a 2 or a 3 or something!They are so small!  Your feet must be so tiny!” I looked over at her and I said”No I wear a 7. My feet aren’t so tiny.” But then I went on to say something about my sisters and mothers feet being larger-my mother wore a 9 and so did this woman. As soon as I said something about my mom, I just had words to say about who and what she was that God gave me and the woman stopped and listened and then she was crying. She said,” when they told me that I had to work this floor today, I was so upset, because it’s always a full floor and a hard one to work. But then I thought oh be grateful for your job-just make the best of it.  And I did try hard to do that, but then I get here to your room and I hear what you have to say and I know that YOU are the reason I have this floor today. Thanks for sharing with me. It’s made the difference in my life now. thank you.”

None of you can imagine just how I felt at hearing those words.  INADEQUATE, UNWORTHY, GUILTY. You know why I felt them. I had cried to the Lord, complained at the unfairness of it all, again. I tried to tell her that , but she wouldn’t hear any of it. She was grateful, I should be too and that was the end of it. So I am going to try! Today the Lord answered in a wonderfully positive way a question about my boss and me because we went about our ways honestly without deception as He has commanded us to do. I think that was also a sign that He is going to do great things business wise for me again if I will keep His precepts, following His ways, His laws, His every command and wish to me. And truly remembering what Jesus has done for me personally on  that cross how could I do anything less?  Truly I believe I will be completely restored to the abilities I had before the stroke, but hopefully not the person…hopefully this person, me, has learned an important and invaluable lesson in trusting the Lord. Really that is what all my “adventures” seem to be about, don’t they?

To Act Without Knowing How You function is not good; and if You Rush Ahead, You Miss Your Goal.

That is from Proverbs 19: 2. My emphasis tonight is the rushing ahead. I am not going to as I usually do-rush what you say? Our move back to Atlanta, Ga after 30 years in Florida. I did think I would spend the rest of my life here. I do love and the weather. I have come to love our little house that the Lord gave us too and often tell the story of how we came to it.  I love my BSF group and will probably miss them the most. I have made some dear friends here.  So how was I rushing? We knew that we were going to move back up to Atlanta when our lease was up in June, so we thought to look around and see what kind of housing might be available for what kind of money. We found a great apartment with superb amenities. There were only 2 negatives. The kitchen was miniscule. (even to their drawers-only one large one and across the room, one very small one.) Since the point of our arrangement is for me to slow down and take lots better care of myself,   He’s been doing the cooking and shopping for us. So if HE said He could deal with the kitchen, then why should I worry about  it  all the time? So what did I do/not do?  First I presented our dilemma to our landlady…who could not have been more gracious and understanding. And She went me one farther, find your place and then move. Go ahead and be packing, know that God is in everything. aaah, how our God does work. .So after speaking with the landlady and getting the green light, Dennis just started packing away. We were to call the apartment people that our daughter had gone over and spoken with on Saturday and fill out an online app and overnight an application fee. But as we started to do those final thing, I was certain, that I was rushing and it wasn’t good. I looked at my husband and said the same to him. I think I shocked twenty years off of him, but as we prayed and our spirits calmed, we knew we were making the right decision. It may not seem that way for the world because in all liklihood we will lose the apartment.  For us that certainty was a hard decision. but, we believe if that happens God just has something better for us. 

Just A Quick Note

Today I went back on my remicaid and of course it wasn’t a moment too soon. The Lord had been so good to me these last 3 months almost  being off of the methotrexate and  the remicaid and still not hurting as He promised! and now that I am healed of the bacteria C , it was simply time for me to go back on the medicines and my body told me so in no uncertain terms last night. So this morning I was really ready. My doctor came in and checked me and reassured himself e did not have any infections currently-but did remind me if I have a bad one come back and I have to stop again, he would want to change medications. Normally my procedures are 2 hours; this time it was 4 , they let it go in so slowly, but I did well and I am better but will not be pain free until the next  one in 6 weeks.

I do ask for prayer for tomorrow though. I see a new neurologist after my comedy of errors last week. I sincerely hope he can figure things out, take me seriously and between us decide on a course of treatment  and any needed testing…

It will be a long day just as today as been and I don’t have my strength back yet. Still I continue to love how our Lord brings people into my life to talk to everyday-to encourage or witness to, or just care for. Now I have a new one. her name is Sheila. Pray that I can find her steady transportation from Brooksville to Lutz every Thurs am thru May whenever the kids are out of school. She’s never been in such as study! and would love it, I am sure.

In His Name and for His Glory, I Live to Tell His Story