Its Late, But So Much Has Happened…

Those of you who have been following me for a while know that my life can change on a dime! And Sunday it did. I had been doing so great, but sitting there as the service was starting up, I was having trouble getting enough air. I thought if I could just get out in the atrium with my inhaler to a vent, I wouldn’t cause a stir. Au contraire! I got to the vent, took a hit off the inhaler and promptly passed out. I heard, “there she goes!” Thank goodness there were people around me and someone to catch me, I guess. Someone went and got my husband and my purse which has a little personal air spirometer, but I couldn’t hardly make the ball go up. So I knew I was in trouble. And then once we got into the car, my right arm starting just aching horribly, then my chest. I felt a lot of pressure. We were too far from our hospital, so we went to a small city hospital ( never again) but of course once I was stable and had to stay because of my heart issues ( you can’t leave against med advice or medicare won’t pay).  We hear a man screaming down the hall, “let me die, I want to die. I want to commit suicide.” Over and over he was yelling and screaming that!  I knew right then we were there to pray for that man. Which of course we began to do. I couldn’t know his name because of HIPPA of course, but God knows who he is. 

Because for some reason they didn’t get my BP med dosage correct, my BP soared and with it came the most awful headache I’ve ever had. It was with me all the time I was there. I kept telling them I needed more meds. I got them just as I left but it took me 3 doses of meds when I got home and this morning to get it back to what is normal for me and no sick headache. I did have absolutely wonderful nurses! Sunday night, my coughing went south and I was running out of strength to cough anymore ( by then I’d been at it for over 3 hours. Hard, rib cracking, muscle pulling, coughing. Finally I got some Solumedrol-my miracle drug, and no coughing for over 2 hours! I also got cough syrup and Benadryl  2 hours before the Solumedrol, but they didn’t work. That’s what happens when things go so far. NOTHING works except Solumedrol. How thankful I am that I live in a time that the medicine exists!!

The reason I had to stay over night was to have a cardiac stress in the am. But honestly, I have never had a stress test that took all day! Management agreed with me when I spoke with them late in the afternoon. If you’ve never had one, you can’t eat or drink or take your heart meds until you’ve the test completed, so you see why my body went a little nuts!!  At least it was over and we left at 7 pm. 

So what else could good could possibly have come out this? I tell you honestly when you can’t sleep for any reason, that’s one of the best times to commune with the Father and  I had hours. I, of course, was praying about my condition, but He led me  off to so many other subjects. I have to admit, it was kind of wonderful. He was right there and bad as I had it. I knew it and until I started really going downhill, I had been praying and praising for all the blessings, for that man, just for everything He brought to my mind to talk about. I guess I have been a little too busy for all that special time with Him. I write about it. I pray alot, but do I listen? The first time God spoke to me was after I had been on a long praise to Him and just ran out of words. I think He said FINALLY!!! I did apologize. I like to talk, but I have been learning to listen over the years. 

Two things I have learned: One thing He desires, is to be my very best, closest friend. He already knows everything about me. It’s silly when I try to hide anything from Him. He is constantly reminding me that I am His Righteousness. Glory!!! Remember I just wrote there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. That is truth.

Late enough and it’s long enough, don’t you think? G’ night!

Cindy

 

 

WAITING

This is my devotional today…from Sarah Young, Jesus Calling. I am sharing it because this seems to be the story of my life. Waiting to get better, waiting for people to call me back, for deals to close, for the weather to change…anything and everything at all.  But the Lord says in Lamentations 3:24-26 …The Lord is my portion: therefore I will wait for him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him: it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

“Waiting on ME means directing your attention to ME in hopeful anticipation of what I will do. It entails trusting ME with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out yourself.  Waiting on ME is the way I designed you to live: all day, every day. I created you to stay conscious of me as you go about your daily duties.

I have promised many blessings to those who wait on ME: renewed strength,  living above one’s circumstances, resurgence of hope, awareness of MY continual Presence. Waiting on ME enables you to glorify ME by living in deep dependence on ME, ready to do MY will. It also helps you to enjoy ME; in MY Presence is fullness of Joy.”

Now having read this, perhaps you see why it meant a lot to me today. There are promises there for me and others if we will just wait on our Lord to do the things HE has promised He will do. Of course its hard to wait patiently! If you know me, you that is my greatest weakness! Still, I admit to being worn out. I need to just rest in the knowledge that HE is taking care of my every need–physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I hope you can too.

Cindy

 

It’s Never Over Till It’s Over!

Thank  God that He says He never lets go of me! Not even for a second. He says “He holds me by His strong right hand.”

Yesterday after having been given a diagnosis of orthostatic hypotension two weeks ago, we found out that the condition is incurable and is not easily managed. This means that somehow, even with medication,  my blood pressure goes to extreme highs and and lows. The lows when I am standing, which mean dizzy and lightheaded. Not fun at all, makes one nauseous and I have to be very careful not to fall because of the blood thinners I am on.

When I am sitting, usually in the mid afternoon is when the BP spikes and gives me the worst of headaches. They really don’t want me to take a lowering BP pill, because that negates the med that I took in the am to raise it.

The doc says this is a nervous system problem and so I need a super neurologist. He’s found me one I hope to see in the next week or two. My poor brain has had 3 strokes and two spinal meningitis infections. That plus the fact that I take powerful lung meds and powerful heart meds and already have to take some pretty heavy duty neuro drugs. I need someone really knowledgeable to manage all of them and my various conditions as I go through this journey.

But regardless of this, I know who’s really in charge– the One who is in charge of everything and everyone. I know Him personally. I know I can depend on Him for my everything, every need.

I thank Him I have been able to work still and that I have the greatest support from my husband and family. So even if I can’t be as independent or even as active as I’ve been lately (which isn’t that much), again I say IT ISN’T OVER TILL IT’S OVER!!

 

 

 

A Rough Year!

I knew I had been neglecting my blog, but didn’t realize for how long! Still, I have to admit that 2016 and so far 2017, have been difficult health wise. However, I do believe I am beginning to make some progress. I think I finally have the correct diagnoses for my problems and the correct doctors. They have really stepped up with getting me meds and trying different ones to see which might be best.

More importantly, God has blessed us abundantly. We are in a new home we were able to purchase in January that is the perfect bungalow for the 2 of us, yet has room to expand for guests. (remember I have kids and grandkids!)  Everyday that I can go outside and look at a sunset or at the stars at night, I just thank my Heavenly Father all over again!

My Lord is still telling me to trust Him with my life and health. He is still sending people to speak with when I am in the hospital, as He always has. I don’t understand that mission! I would certainly prefer something that required being healthy, but it is what it is! Certainly not what I seek.

I realize this is short and sweet, but I wanted people to know I’m still here by God’s Grace!

Cindy

It’s Hard To Believe It’s Been Five Months…

However, I have just been through the hardest months of my life! As I look back over all I have ever been through, I have often wondered, except for the Lord, I know I would have never made it! That is certainly true of these last few months! Except that this time, I got impatient and angry. I decided it wasn’t fair, in all honesty. I had just had enough. You see in October, I contracted this weird inner ear/balance issue called labrynthitis. Didn’t really get over that before I came down with MRSA and then had to be treated with IV antibiotics, the  first two of which was highly allergic to! But I went every single day from Thanksgiving until February 1, eventually having to have surgery to clean it out. It is a nasty bug and it can always come back.  Then February 4th, I went into the hospital with clots and severe asthma. I spent a week in the hospital with that.

The Lord says He always has a purpose for what He allows in our lives. He definitely believes in “those teachable moments.” Mine came Friday night watching some different people on Christian TV (the 5th). There were so many things said that just broke my heart. I could see that I was exactly where I needed to be. I had already been introduced to new doctors that for the first time in my life actually seemed to get that certain issues that I thought should be addressed would be addressed. Hopefully this isn’t TMI, but I have a clotting problem obviously as this is the third time for clots in my lungs (see my posts from July 2012) and I have had 3 strokes. The hematologist asked me if I was northern European by descent (Scottish, Irish, English)-yes to all. It turns out, they have a known clotting issue. So I find out on this Tuesday if that is one of my problems. The pulmonologist is also first-rate. He has seen me 3 times since I got out of the hospital, even had to send me back last week as I was in the middle of another attack plus bronchitis. He does believe that there are medicines that with the right testing, my life can be turned around. But mostly, I realized, I needed an attitude adjustment!!

On top of that three weeks to the day that I had gone into the hospital, I had to put my husband in as his heart began to fail again. Unfortunately some very poor cardiologists made some bad choices for him in taking him off of his heart medications in the last 2 years and that is pretty much why he is in trouble now, according to the new cardiologist we have. Please pray for him especially! He has prescribed a brand new congested heart failure medicine for him, plus there is going to be lots of new testing in the next several months. We are hoping that he won’t have to have a new pacemaker/defibrillator installed in the fall.

Today’s devotional from JESUS CALLING by SARAH YOUNG is very special to me.

“Trust Me One Day  At A Time. This keeps you close to Me, responsive to My will. Trust is not a natural response, especially for those of you who have been deeply wounded. My Spirit within you is your resident Tutor, helping you in this supernatural endeavor. Yield to His gentle touch; be sensitive to His prompting.

Exert your will to trust Me in all circumstances. Don’t let your need to understand distract you from My Presence. I will equip you to get through this day victoriously, as you live in deep dependence on Me. Tomorrow is busy worrying about itself; don’t get tangled up in its worry-webs. Trust Me one day at a time.”

Psalm 84:12 O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trust in you.

Matthew 6:34 therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

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Please understand that I am NOT saying that I do this well at all! I don’t. I haven’t. I am trying. I am sharing this out of my deepest thankfulness for people in my life who have loved me, prayed for me, supported me, cared for me anyway-even when I was so desperate and angry and so weary I wasn’t sure I could go on. Thank the Savior that He understands all of this. That there is such infinite GRACE!

Cindy

CHANGES…

I know that it has been some time since I have posted anything. For my faithful followers and inquirers, I do apologize. I have been going through some of the most difficult times of my life, though, and as I have sought the Lord, today, HE has answered me, most graciously. 

Back in February, I had to go to the ER again, because they thought I had another clot in my lungs. It turned out to be pleurisy which is a really painful lung condition. it hurts when you talk, when you laugh and when you cough–all of which I do a lot! Unfortunately the CT scan showed a couple of spots on my lung. I wasn’t really concerned until my GYN doc who had found a lump in my breast just the month before (yes, I’ve already had breast cancer once) was really upset about the possibility of the connection of the two issues and asked me to see a pulmonologist for a referral to an oncologist for a complete check. Notice please, this wasn’t my idea, but my doctor’s. I saw a pulmonologist right away, unfortunately not my own. What a mistake, that!! He didn’t seem to even know what cough variant asthma was! Nor did he know how to prescribe my cough syrup! My pharmacist thought that was a riot! At any rate, he looked right through me. Ever had anyone do that to you? I had no idea what his issue with me was-I had never met him. My pulmonologist and  I had a good relationship. She had cough variant asthma as well, so she certainly understood my issues. I had a terrible cough when I was there and certainly could have used a shot of decadron which is what my pulmonologist in Tampa would have given me. He was only concerned with the fact that he couldn’t hear me wheeze. Cough variant asthma people don’t wheeze–we cough!! Obviously he was no help at all as it took me 2 days to get the cough medicine!

That night I had a really, really bad asthma attack. It was like back in 2011 when I had all those really bad attacks. I think I was so worn down from all I have been through this year physically and mentally, I just didn’t have much strength to fight the spiritual battle that I have been able to do since that May 2011.   On top of that, I started getting opinions from everybody about what I should do, or not do, think or not think. Truly if I had not had the Lord Himself to go to for truth, I might have listened to wrong advice, wrong opinions. I did have a great ER doc. He referred me to an oncologist/hematologist. She turned out to be one of the most caring doctors I have ever met! Unfortunately I am not out of the woods yet as to the spots on my lungs–I will have to have follow up scans every few months.  But at least she has me set on the right course for care!

My journey took me to Breast Specialists of Atlanta. I understand they are the very best. First my insurance company insisted on a mammogram, which is very difficult when one has had reconstructive surgery and implants after a double mastectomy! Imagine my surprise when I found out that I had silicone implants! I thought for the last 11 years that I had saline implants because the first implants had leaked. Well, unfortunately, so have these 11 year old implants! There’s a big blob of silicone right on the outside of my left side where one of the “problems” was! The second problem has turned out to be a benign cyst that I just got the news back on today!! PRAISE THE  LORD! I had so asked that I not have cancer back. I really didn’t know how in the world I was going to handle working with chemo and radiation! Thankfully, the Lord heard my prayers, those of my husband, my sister and my daughters, my brother and sister in law! How precious have they been to pray for me! No diatribes or opinions-just care. When someone is hurting, that is all they need to hear, love and support!!

So physically, bottom line for me at the moment is to get the implants replaced with saline and get that silicone, once and for all, out of my body! That’s the first thing I have to do when I get to our new home in Niceville, Florida! Yes, that is the reason for the title of my post today. I think a lot of you have known we haven’t been thrilled with our circumstances or the quality of the life here. My husband has always wanted to retire to the Panhandle! I would always say no, too many hurricanes hit there, no medical care, etc, etc. But he has spent the last four months doing research on the area and we’ve gone down there several times for weekends. I was wrong. There is good medical care, even a new hospital and where we will live is not in an evacuation area– it’s about 15 minutes from the beach across the bay bridge. And the people are so nice! It’s small town America! Call me corny, but I am ready for it! I don’t need the big city! We are so excited about this! We think we have already found a church too, but we will visit awhile till the Lord says for sure. And as for my Bible study? I can keep up with my BSF International or go back to Precept upon Precept by Kay Arthur. I did that for several years before I started in BSF.  Our church has some great choices for women’s ministry as well as men.

I could go on and on about how much better we think our lives will be in our new city. Our new home, which will not be much more money than what we are paying now for a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apt, is a 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath townhome with a garage and backyard patio! We will feel like we are in a home again. Last Saturday night, the people above us had a fight from 12:30-2:30 AM. It was very loud, lots of screaming going on. It was really scary. The weekend before, they were vacuuming at 12:30 am. Really and truly, I can’t wait to leave next week!

Oh and if anyone wonders what about my wonderful job? My boss said when I asked him if he minded me moving to the Panhandle, “no, you’re just changing a zip code and an area code. whatever makes you happy.” He’s great, isn’t he?

I’ll write again when we get settled.

Goodnight and God bless!

 

My Wonderful Valentine!

As you know if you have been reading my recent posts, you know I am not up to par right now. Certainly not able to go out for a Valentine’s Day Dinner…but remember my earlier post this year about MR. WONDERFUL? Well, he is at it again, the card that makes you wonder how does he find things like these? I never can unless I write it myself. I had to make my card online since I could not go out, of course. And then my real present to him tonight was to print my MR. WONDERFUL post and give it to him. He hadn’t read it before. It was so great to see how much it meant to him though and that I would give it to him now after even more difficult months while I am once again going through the most difficult thing for both of us to deal with-my breathing issues. He won’t even kiss me because he is so afraid of taking my breath away!

His overwhelming gift to me–his care of me and for me, down to our lovely dinner but also going the extra mile in caring for our home here today because I cannot. Going to a new drugstore that was the only place in town that had my asthma medicine today, so many, many things that he does for me. I will never be able to thank God enough for bringing him into my life and allowing him to be my husband. This May it will be 36 years since we met and 34 years since we married. I am truly blessed.