A Quick Note…

My husband and I will be with my daughter Laurel and her husband Jeff for a time starting next week. She has her cancer surgery on Thursday. Please pray it will go well and that they will get it all! And pray for my husband as he tries to care for me and Laurel’s need’s while her husband is working so that their insurance will continue. This cancer treatment is very expensive and they are only insured through his insurance!

Last weekend as I enjoyed my  time with my girls,  something happened in my body overnight Saturday night. I woke up with severe onset Ataxia again (spastic limbs) and my shaking tremor greatly increased. I had a CT last week to see if whatever it was in my brain. Or it just could be another acceleration of my MSA. I know many of you are praying I will get better. Unless God does a real miracle and cures me, I won’t get better. I will continue to go down hill until He takes me home with Him.

I may not have written of this, but I told my kids and my husband and others in my family: when I was so sick a month ago, I really went to the Lord and asked again, “WHY must I bear this, Lord?” He said, “I was to be the voice in the wilderness.” You see, not many of my group, have Eternal Hope, have faith. He said I was the only who told anyone who was crying out for help in desperation, how to come to know Him. Everyone else is praying that has faith, which is great,  and maybe why I am here. I am God’s answer to their prayers. I told Him it was too big of a job for me, for one person, and me sick too. He replied, “In your weakness, is My strength.” And so we go on. Now we all know exactly why He has kept me alive all these years. I am very privileged and honored, but as you can imagine just walking on faith. Kind of like the movie with  Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones having to step off the cliff in faith, and the stones came up, one by one to take him across the ravine to the last Knight, who was guarding the sacred chalice. You probably know the film and the story, “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade”.  I understood what he was doing right away as I felt I had been living like that for a long time. Au contraire! I had no idea…

Cindy

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Asthma and a Hurricane

In case I haven’t ever said, I live in the Panhandle of Florida. That’s right! Where we had a tremendous hurricane last week. From what we have seen of pictures south/west of us and then east, we know that we were truly spared. Foolishly, I thought since my home that was God-given and was only two years old, it would sustain against those winds. I was shocked to read this morning of the different building codes in Florida. Only South Florida is required to build houses or buildings to stand up to such powerful storms!! If ever a storm enters the gulf again, that even looks like it’s coming close, we are going to be smart and evacuate! We are not in an evacuation area, or flood zone, but obviously with the damage done by this storm, it would not have mattered. I know there are still a lot of people missing, especially in Lynn Haven and Mexico Beach. Please pray that they are safe. The first responders are still finding people in desperate circumstances every day.

I also mentioned my asthma. Hurricanes brings low barometric pressure which apparently my lungs don’t like at all. I couldn’t quit coughing, my blood pressure was up and down. The week before, it had been extremely low. Now it was fluctuating, but my highs were on the bottom, which I know aren’t good and hurt my head! I was so thankful when my home healthcare service called and said they were sending a nurse to check on me. I had tried to reach my doctor, but his office was in Panama City by the hospital and I don’t know if it is still standing.

This was a new nurse to me so she had a lot of questions. I just kept coughing. When she finally listened to me and couldn’t really hear me moving air, she insisted that we go to the hospital. Last thing I wanted or felt like doing. My regular hospital was only taking trauma or stroke victims then. So we went. I have to say that first rate healthcare is something we take for granted in our country and we should not. At least I have always gone to a great hospital that could see to me right away. If I had not had my own oxygen, I don’t know what I would done as it was 2 hours before I got any treatments-even a breathing treatment! I hope I don’t have to go back. I am grateful for the medicine I did get. I did have to tell them what to give me though. What an interesting experience. It certainly made me thankful!! And thankful that the nurse made me go as I was sicker than I thought.

That was last Friday. Today of course is Tuesday night. I was finally able to see my new PA with the office where I get my Xolair. It too had been delayed by the storm, so I don’t get it until tomorrow, three weeks late for many different issues! Something else that definitely contributed to this. I have to say that she was one of the most thorough PAs or doctors that I have ever spoken with. She checked every one of my medicines for interactions and for cardiac issues. It seems that my heart isn’t a whole lot better than my lungs unfortunately! My husband has congested heart failure and with Entresto, they have been able to get his heart refraction up to 50%. I was told that mine is 57% from my last Echo Cardiogram. So now we know why I have the overwhelming fatigue! Between the two, I definitely don’t get enough oxygen anywhere! 

STILL, I must say, my LORD GOD is in control! I am not panicked. I am at peace. I can work a little as a I get better and I can continue my Bible study and my writing. Even more, I can love and pray for my family and friends and extended friends.

Cindy

Its Late, But So Much Has Happened…

Those of you who have been following me for a while know that my life can change on a dime! And Sunday it did. I had been doing so great, but sitting there as the service was starting up, I was having trouble getting enough air. I thought if I could just get out in the atrium with my inhaler to a vent, I wouldn’t cause a stir. Au contraire! I got to the vent, took a hit off the inhaler and promptly passed out. I heard, “there she goes!” Thank goodness there were people around me and someone to catch me, I guess. Someone went and got my husband and my purse which has a little personal air spirometer, but I couldn’t hardly make the ball go up. So I knew I was in trouble. And then once we got into the car, my right arm starting just aching horribly, then my chest. I felt a lot of pressure. We were too far from our hospital, so we went to a small city hospital ( never again) but of course once I was stable and had to stay because of my heart issues ( you can’t leave against med advice or medicare won’t pay).  We hear a man screaming down the hall, “let me die, I want to die. I want to commit suicide.” Over and over he was yelling and screaming that!  I knew right then we were there to pray for that man. Which of course we began to do. I couldn’t know his name because of HIPPA of course, but God knows who he is. 

Because for some reason they didn’t get my BP med dosage correct, my BP soared and with it came the most awful headache I’ve ever had. It was with me all the time I was there. I kept telling them I needed more meds. I got them just as I left but it took me 3 doses of meds when I got home and this morning to get it back to what is normal for me and no sick headache. I did have absolutely wonderful nurses! Sunday night, my coughing went south and I was running out of strength to cough anymore ( by then I’d been at it for over 3 hours. Hard, rib cracking, muscle pulling, coughing. Finally I got some Solumedrol-my miracle drug, and no coughing for over 2 hours! I also got cough syrup and Benadryl  2 hours before the Solumedrol, but they didn’t work. That’s what happens when things go so far. NOTHING works except Solumedrol. How thankful I am that I live in a time that the medicine exists!!

The reason I had to stay over night was to have a cardiac stress in the am. But honestly, I have never had a stress test that took all day! Management agreed with me when I spoke with them late in the afternoon. If you’ve never had one, you can’t eat or drink or take your heart meds until you’ve the test completed, so you see why my body went a little nuts!!  At least it was over and we left at 7 pm. 

So what else could good could possibly have come out this? I tell you honestly when you can’t sleep for any reason, that’s one of the best times to commune with the Father and  I had hours. I, of course, was praying about my condition, but He led me  off to so many other subjects. I have to admit, it was kind of wonderful. He was right there and bad as I had it. I knew it and until I started really going downhill, I had been praying and praising for all the blessings, for that man, just for everything He brought to my mind to talk about. I guess I have been a little too busy for all that special time with Him. I write about it. I pray alot, but do I listen? The first time God spoke to me was after I had been on a long praise to Him and just ran out of words. I think He said FINALLY!!! I did apologize. I like to talk, but I have been learning to listen over the years. 

Two things I have learned: One thing He desires, is to be my very best, closest friend. He already knows everything about me. It’s silly when I try to hide anything from Him. He is constantly reminding me that I am His Righteousness. Glory!!! Remember I just wrote there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. That is truth.

Late enough and it’s long enough, don’t you think? G’ night!

Cindy

 

 

WAITING

This is my devotional today…from Sarah Young, Jesus Calling. I am sharing it because this seems to be the story of my life. Waiting to get better, waiting for people to call me back, for deals to close, for the weather to change…anything and everything at all.  But the Lord says in Lamentations 3:24-26 …The Lord is my portion: therefore I will wait for him. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him: it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

“Waiting on ME means directing your attention to ME in hopeful anticipation of what I will do. It entails trusting ME with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out yourself.  Waiting on ME is the way I designed you to live: all day, every day. I created you to stay conscious of me as you go about your daily duties.

I have promised many blessings to those who wait on ME: renewed strength,  living above one’s circumstances, resurgence of hope, awareness of MY continual Presence. Waiting on ME enables you to glorify ME by living in deep dependence on ME, ready to do MY will. It also helps you to enjoy ME; in MY Presence is fullness of Joy.”

Now having read this, perhaps you see why it meant a lot to me today. There are promises there for me and others if we will just wait on our Lord to do the things HE has promised He will do. Of course its hard to wait patiently! If you know me, you that is my greatest weakness! Still, I admit to being worn out. I need to just rest in the knowledge that HE is taking care of my every need–physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I hope you can too.

Cindy

 

It’s Never Over Till It’s Over!

Thank  God that He says He never lets go of me! Not even for a second. He says “He holds me by His strong right hand.”

Yesterday after having been given a diagnosis of orthostatic hypotension two weeks ago, we found out that the condition is incurable and is not easily managed. This means that somehow, even with medication,  my blood pressure goes to extreme highs and and lows. The lows when I am standing, which mean dizzy and lightheaded. Not fun at all, makes one nauseous and I have to be very careful not to fall because of the blood thinners I am on.

When I am sitting, usually in the mid afternoon is when the BP spikes and gives me the worst of headaches. They really don’t want me to take a lowering BP pill, because that negates the med that I took in the am to raise it.

The doc says this is a nervous system problem and so I need a super neurologist. He’s found me one I hope to see in the next week or two. My poor brain has had 3 strokes and two spinal meningitis infections. That plus the fact that I take powerful lung meds and powerful heart meds and already have to take some pretty heavy duty neuro drugs. I need someone really knowledgeable to manage all of them and my various conditions as I go through this journey.

But regardless of this, I know who’s really in charge– the One who is in charge of everything and everyone. I know Him personally. I know I can depend on Him for my everything, every need.

I thank Him I have been able to work still and that I have the greatest support from my husband and family. So even if I can’t be as independent or even as active as I’ve been lately (which isn’t that much), again I say IT ISN’T OVER TILL IT’S OVER!!

 

 

 

A Rough Year!

I knew I had been neglecting my blog, but didn’t realize for how long! Still, I have to admit that 2016 and so far 2017, have been difficult health wise. However, I do believe I am beginning to make some progress. I think I finally have the correct diagnoses for my problems and the correct doctors. They have really stepped up with getting me meds and trying different ones to see which might be best.

More importantly, God has blessed us abundantly. We are in a new home we were able to purchase in January that is the perfect bungalow for the 2 of us, yet has room to expand for guests. (remember I have kids and grandkids!)  Everyday that I can go outside and look at a sunset or at the stars at night, I just thank my Heavenly Father all over again!

My Lord is still telling me to trust Him with my life and health. He is still sending people to speak with when I am in the hospital, as He always has. I don’t understand that mission! I would certainly prefer something that required being healthy, but it is what it is! Certainly not what I seek.

I realize this is short and sweet, but I wanted people to know I’m still here by God’s Grace!

Cindy

It’s Hard To Believe It’s Been Five Months…

However, I have just been through the hardest months of my life! As I look back over all I have ever been through, I have often wondered, except for the Lord, I know I would have never made it! That is certainly true of these last few months! Except that this time, I got impatient and angry. I decided it wasn’t fair, in all honesty. I had just had enough. You see in October, I contracted this weird inner ear/balance issue called labrynthitis. Didn’t really get over that before I came down with MRSA and then had to be treated with IV antibiotics, the  first two of which was highly allergic to! But I went every single day from Thanksgiving until February 1, eventually having to have surgery to clean it out. It is a nasty bug and it can always come back.  Then February 4th, I went into the hospital with clots and severe asthma. I spent a week in the hospital with that.

The Lord says He always has a purpose for what He allows in our lives. He definitely believes in “those teachable moments.” Mine came Friday night watching some different people on Christian TV (the 5th). There were so many things said that just broke my heart. I could see that I was exactly where I needed to be. I had already been introduced to new doctors that for the first time in my life actually seemed to get that certain issues that I thought should be addressed would be addressed. Hopefully this isn’t TMI, but I have a clotting problem obviously as this is the third time for clots in my lungs (see my posts from July 2012) and I have had 3 strokes. The hematologist asked me if I was northern European by descent (Scottish, Irish, English)-yes to all. It turns out, they have a known clotting issue. So I find out on this Tuesday if that is one of my problems. The pulmonologist is also first-rate. He has seen me 3 times since I got out of the hospital, even had to send me back last week as I was in the middle of another attack plus bronchitis. He does believe that there are medicines that with the right testing, my life can be turned around. But mostly, I realized, I needed an attitude adjustment!!

On top of that three weeks to the day that I had gone into the hospital, I had to put my husband in as his heart began to fail again. Unfortunately some very poor cardiologists made some bad choices for him in taking him off of his heart medications in the last 2 years and that is pretty much why he is in trouble now, according to the new cardiologist we have. Please pray for him especially! He has prescribed a brand new congested heart failure medicine for him, plus there is going to be lots of new testing in the next several months. We are hoping that he won’t have to have a new pacemaker/defibrillator installed in the fall.

Today’s devotional from JESUS CALLING by SARAH YOUNG is very special to me.

“Trust Me One Day  At A Time. This keeps you close to Me, responsive to My will. Trust is not a natural response, especially for those of you who have been deeply wounded. My Spirit within you is your resident Tutor, helping you in this supernatural endeavor. Yield to His gentle touch; be sensitive to His prompting.

Exert your will to trust Me in all circumstances. Don’t let your need to understand distract you from My Presence. I will equip you to get through this day victoriously, as you live in deep dependence on Me. Tomorrow is busy worrying about itself; don’t get tangled up in its worry-webs. Trust Me one day at a time.”

Psalm 84:12 O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trust in you.

Matthew 6:34 therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

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Please understand that I am NOT saying that I do this well at all! I don’t. I haven’t. I am trying. I am sharing this out of my deepest thankfulness for people in my life who have loved me, prayed for me, supported me, cared for me anyway-even when I was so desperate and angry and so weary I wasn’t sure I could go on. Thank the Savior that He understands all of this. That there is such infinite GRACE!

Cindy