I thought I had all of the answers the last time I wrote. Oh, how wrong I was on that one! I thought we had understood and really comprehended what I have, what I need to do, the consequences when I don’t–but as I began to read about immunoglobulin disorder, I’ve found it’s not so simple-especially mine, since it is genetic. The one light hope is that a friend of mine is in the business and has great reassured me about the safety of the infusions, because to get one small little infection would be a catastrophe for me. My numbers in that particular area are so low, that I truly have no immunity and I have no stamina. I also can no longer be on Remicaid, the only thing keeping the RA pain under control so I am back to Vicodin of course you really can’t take it as often as you need to because you have to work. I also found out that Vitamin D has to do with your immunity and I don’t make it either! I wish I had had my docs really conferring together two years ago-might have avoided some of last year, but I know there were lessons that God wanted me to learn through everything.
I have to admit to being a little overwhelmed this week. I’ve been trying to do what the doc said, trying to work, trying to be a wife.. I know that’s what they’ll tell me on Monday anyway.Each morning Dennis and I have prayed for wisdom and guidance, for strength and healing for me and I would just do what I had to do. Work through my day. Get it done. But today as I was driving home from a couple of errands, I started to pray as I passed a couple of churches and then the sun broke through the clouds. It was beautiful and the Lord began to tell me again that I could do all things through Him. That He knew that pain and would bear it for me. He reminded me that nothing touches me that hasn’t been filtered through the Father. I told him I was glad they had such confidence in me, but that I am not that sure of me at all. That’s when Jesus reminded me that he carries me when things get to be too much for me.
SO FINALLY, all of a sudden, I felt this release and I could then say thank you for my circumstances, whatever they may be, because I know that when the Lord takes me places, He puts me with people that need to hear about Jesus. Then I began to pray for those people that the Lord is going to bring to me. That He will be calling to them, preparing their hearts and minds for the Good News.
As I read the notes from many blogs that come my way, one overwhelming theme is there for all of us. We don’t have to know the future, because we know the One who holds it. After the year that 2011 has been what sane person is not ” seeking the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked (anyone who is not perfect) forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and will have mercy on him and to our God, for he will freely pardon. For my thoughts are not your thoughts and my ways are not your ways, declares the Lord.” They are higher and deeper than anything we can imagine about us. What I am/have discovered this year is this incredible love of God the Father for me–as He has told me over and over how He loves me and then as we began to talk together what I should do, not do, how I wasn’t trusting Him (I am now) And as I face the uncertainty of 2012 as far as my health is concerned–I know without a doubt that HE has a purpose in this new, added on systemic disease too. At the least, it forced me to go to a new doctor who was able to tell me exactly how sick I really am. For that I am truly grateful. I was headed down the dead man walking path and somehow, I do think God still has things for me to do and people to talk to. But please pray for me that there is something that can be done for the RA pain. To move around is terrible! I feel like an old woman.
I close with one of my favorite passages: …in all things we are more than conquerors through him who loves us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future nor any powers neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Come quickly Lord Jesus!
What a year! Eight times in the hospital for me, twice for my husband, a move– and then there was my whole new deepening relationship with the Lord God. Learning to trust Him for even the basics, learning about His LOVE for me even more incredible. Having Him with me in the ER in May, so surreal now, but thank goodness I wrote about it when it was fresh. Going back over and over to the ER for the asthma, even in Atlanta, at least it’s been since September now.
And my husband had his pacemaker replaced. Hallelujah what a difference in how he feels! It is amazing. I have been praying about his pain-doesn’t have it anymore. I had been praying about how uncomfortable his defibulator/pacemaker was-doesn’t have it anymore. I had been praying about his breathing–he is breathing so freely now.This is great to see the Lord God answer my prayers.
Now my husband says “get well, too”–