More Answers!

I saw my wonderful primary  care doc last week and filled her in on my life the last month or so. She had to keep the lights low, I thought I might have pink eye or that maybe the candida infection had gotten into my eyes. They hurt, were very gritty, like stuff was in them. She was very concerned that I could not get into my ophthalmologist until this week and when I told her of the trouble I was having getting in to see the infectious diseases doc-she said, “stay right here, I’ll take care of it”.  And take care of it she did! I had an appointment with the eye doctor the next morning (most important) and then an appointment with infectious diseases the next Tuesday, early morning. Wow! what having a doc on your side does! She also changed the oral med I was taking for the mouth and lip sores since I had had no healing there at all and she told me to be sure that she got feedback from the docs on my visits.

Between then and now (the 29th) these are the scriptures the Lord has given to me–and how I have needed them!  Grace-Filled Waiting- 2 Cor 4:4-18 We do not lose heart and Yet Will I Rejoice- Habakkuk 3:11-19 Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.  So here is what happened at the doctors-

I saw the ophthalmologist the next morning and truthfully, I don’t think I have ever had such a thorough exam! The first thing he said was-the good news is you don’t have an infection. The bad news is you have the dryest eyes I have ever seen since I have been practicing. This is why you hurt. I couldn’t believe that dry eyes would do that-and I had even had the surgery to help with dry eyes, so how could this be? He said is was all because of my rheumatoid arthritis. I couldn’t believe it-how could it affect my eyes? but he said it was and went on to say there were probably other areas of my body that were being attacked as well. I needed to see my Rheumatoidologist. I told him about the candida and that I was seeing an infectious diseases specialist on the next Tues and he said he’d get all the info on what he had done and ordered to her. In the meantime, he gave me 2 prescriptions for eyedrops-each 4 times/day and in between those times I was to use over the counter tears. AND then he gave me a prescription for several blood tests!  I was shocked! I have never had that happen either.

Needless to say by the time we finally saw the doc on that Tues, she had a lot of information about me. What was amazing was that she had already  read it. Then the second amazing thing happened. She said my major problem is that I have no immunity and that will get me killed. Right now, that is her first concern-to build me up. So she began to ask me what I did, what’s my stress level (ha), extra curricular activities, etc. I was downplaying it, but remember my sister was with me and spoke right up! The hardest thing for me to give up and what I can’t understand the Lord’s way in this is GriefShare. I also have to stop working at night, rest during the day-in fact rest as much as I can any place, any where, any time that I can. She said I really need to be aware of my surroundings at all times because that’s when triggers can strike and right now my goal should be NO ATTACKS–that way, no presnesdone or solu-medrol gets into my body. So I am really praying that I am attack free.

I have no idea how long I need to be so careful, but I am going to have to take the 3 drugs probably for the rest of my life and even if/when I get my immunity built up-no one is going to want to mess with it by giving me asthma drugs unless it is life and death again. Oh what a place to be in! Well I do trust the team I have now. I believe they can and will work together. So my part will be to pray and to rest and to rely on my God-no stress, remember?

The Night Before

My beloved husband has to get a new pacemaker in the morning. His heart ventricles aren’t in sync, so a pacemaker that will make all 4 work together is needed. He is a bit nervous about all this. He told me tonight, “Cindy, it’s not like you, You go all the time for surgery for this or that, but I don’t.”  “I know” I said and  told him to give his spirit to Jesus for safekeeping while he is out–that’s what I always do.  That was written the night of Dec 19, 2011.

Today is December 29th and my husband has done superbly! almost no pain, in fact the almost constant pain he had had in the middle of his chest where they had cut it before is now gone. And he can breathe so much better! God has answered all my prayers for his recovery. How very thankful I have been as we were together  through this Christmas. He says he feels terrific–and now he looks over at me and says you better get well!   thank you Jesus for your healing stripes. thank you for your sacrifice. don’t let anyone forget what  Christmas is really about this year, Lord. Thank you again for coming to our world to save us.

More New Meds!

We went back to the GI Dot today for follow up after my endoscopy last week. He told us that in all his years of practice, he had never seen such a bad, overwhelming case of this systemic candida.  I saw pictures and compared with what it is supposed to look like vs what it does look like is amazing. It’s like one of those powdered donuts you buy instead being a glazed donut. Yeah, pretty awful comparison, isn’t it?

Well, at least I know I am not crazy. There are physical reasons for all that I have been through and am going through now. I think the fatigue is the hardest thing, because it is so overwhelming. So I got a bottle of ProBiotics. I am to take a double dose every day for 2 months. I am already on the antifungal double dose for 3 weeks with the warning I may have to stay on it longer too. I am not sure how they will determine if the stuff is gone.

All I know is Greater Is He That Is Within Me Than He That Is In The World. I know He has a purpose to all of this. But I have to say honestly tonight, it is hard. The sores on my mouth are not healing, but seemingly worse and larger–I would assume because of the infection. But I don’t know who to see, or what to do about it-other than to pray.

A Systemic Infection!

I saw the pulmonologist. He said there is no need for the bronscopy, he knows it’s everywhere, now that he knows what it is.  As I did, he can track all my infections this year, and the thrush, and the smell. Of course, he looked at me and said “only you!”)  He has put me on an antifungal medicine that is many times stronger than the usual dose. Of course he had to explain that to the insurance company. But I am sure that they want me well so that I don’t continue with so many hospitilizations! And he told them this was the only way! So on the first night  I took 2 pill (400mg) instead of the usual 1pill. Then I am to take them for the next 13 days -gives me a full 2 weeks on the medicine- whereas most people only take the pills for as long as 3 days!  and I don’t know if part of the pill dosage can make a person drag-but this person is! Still I know it is extremely difficult to get rid of and I must get rid of it. They have STOPPED MY REMICAID untill I am rid of it! So now I will be crippled too pretty shortly.

Please pray that I will be strong in the Lord. That I will pray as I know and have experienced! That I will not get down with the pain and let it beat me! I am reading his promises for healing. I  am going to list them so that you can pray as I am praying them-there is power in that.

Jeremiah 17:14  Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be saved, for You are my praise.

Psalm 77:10-14 I said, “This is my anguish; But I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High.” I will remember the works of the Lord; Surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will also meditate on all Your work. And talk of Your deeds, Your way, O God is in the sanctuary; Who is so great a God as our God? You are the God who does wonders; You have declared Your strength among the peoples.

Psalm 6:2-3 Be merciful to me , Lord, for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long?    (I underlined these verses in July of 04. I had not found Remicaid yet)

and then all of Psalm 90 which I won’t quote the whole thing here, just a short passage: 90:13-17  Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all or days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble.  May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands –yes, establish the work of our hands.  (underlined in August 20110, BUT  a lot of underlining in my old handwriting so pre 2005)

“I Know Exactly How You Feel!”

My favorite phrase these days, my validation for who I am and why I am living! But this is what God showed me last night and this morning: in Hebrews 4,  Jesus is the Great High Priest. And even though he has been through the heavens, Jesus is our high priest who can symphatize with our weaknesses-our every sin-because he was tempted as well-yet without sin. He also knows what it is to be cold, be hungry, be thirsty–whatever we are except without sin.

So when I am going through some trial physical or spiritual, Jesus can say to me.  “Oh Cindy, I know exactly how you feel! These are normal feelings, those are not-this is what the Father says about the trouble…” And then He proceeds to give me the comfort that I turn around and give to others, which is all II Corinthians 1:4. Isn’t that just the neatest thing?  Because I understood about His comfort. He has given me so much of it over the years. I don’t think I would have made it without it. But I had never seen Him as the Person going through everything that I was…yet he was.

I guess what I want to convey in this posting is the unlimited, overwhelming, incredible love that Jesus has for his own  that He would do this.  Over and over He’s told me how He love’s me and how  I need to trust him more-much more! And  of course I do trust Him and remind Him I have at least faith the size of a mustard seed! But how I want to grow it and mature myself  in Him. And of course, that means more prayer and Bible study! Thank you Jesus that you answered my heartfelt cry to make me want to study your word, to make me want to spend time with you. Now I have to work it out  to do my other required tasks because I would rather be here with you. Thank you.  On August 5, 2005 I prayed this prayer from Psalm 40:7-8  Then I said, “Here I am, I have come– it is written about in the scroll. I desire to do your will , O my God; your law is within my heart. A few days later,  I was in the hospital getting a cervical fusion and had a stroke. God used that time with me to teach me love and patience and gentleness-but it took this last year to learn to truly trust Him. I have written about some of these experiences-my hospitalization, losing my voice, getting a puppy to get me out of bed; but I just realized that I haven’t written about learning to trust Him.  Maybe He is not ready for me to write of it yet-because He directs my writing, maybe I don’t really trust Him enough yet. I think I do, but the Father knows all things and can certainly see my heart. Well, I am certain of one thing, eventually you will hear that story as well.

The Reality of Jesus–Always There When I Need Him

My last post was all about me. This one I want to be all about Jesus! He has been with me today, guiding me; comforting me; leading me to scripture I needed to read again; reminding me of those things I know, but sometimes seem to forget in crisis mode.

My Bible study lesson this week actually took us to Hebrews to talk about Jesus’ high Priesthood! As I read the lesson and reflected on what I know to be true from experience and what new words God was opening my eyes to, there were several scriptures:

Hebrews 1:2-3  ” in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son.. whom he appointed heir of all things and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being sustaining all things by his powerful word.”  just notice a couple of things before we go on– Jesus is the heir of all, he was there and a part of the universe being made. He is the exact representation of God –“if you have seen me, you have seen the Father” and that all things are held together by God’s very word.

Hebrews 2: 17 “For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.”   So he had to not only come to us, but become one of us, thus becoming to God the perfect representative of humanity. He knows exactly where I am, what  I am feeling–all because he has been there.

I’ve said before that the Bible describes the Word of God as the sharp, powerful, penetrating sword –going even to divide soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all  creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Found in Hebrews 4:12-13 by the way, that passage can be a little scary if you stop there!  That’s why it is so important to not take scripture out of context, because in the last section of the chapter, the author reminds you again, that we are not standing alone before God. We have our great high priest, Jesus with us to intercede and to make us holy. I am so glad that when Holy God looks at me, He sees me through Jesus–then and only then am I clean and perfect and make him smile.  I wonder if he calls me Sunshine in heaven?