CindyFrench-stranger than fiction stories

about facing life with hope and confidence, no matter the diagnosis

My Darkest Chapter

Posted by cindyhfrench on 09/30/2009


I have thought a lot about sharing this next chapter of my life. It is very dark. I was very miserable and very mad at my Lord for a long time. I am sharing the barest of details for many reasons-most of all, I don’t want to dredge up the feelings or allow any bitterness to creep back in with regards to all the circumstances.

In the fall of 1987, my husband asked me to get a job. I did this to please him, to be more of the woman he wanted and to help with our financial needs. I was fortunate to go to work for two doctors not terribly far from home except for 2 of my days which were spent at the south side office 60 miles away. Still, I enjoyed the work. I was very conscientious , but I admit, it was quite an adjustment working with a 0ne yr old and four yr old-putting them in daycare-changing our whole home life. Very soon after that, my husband asked for a divorce. Although I had grounds, I wouldn’t file, so he did. My world as I knew it completely fell apart.

I couldn’t understand why the Lord would allow him to leave me. I thought I had been a good wife-no not perfect and not “friends”, but I thought we had the Lord between us and two children-regardless of what mistakes we made individually could be forgiven, worked through-but it was not to be. Suddenly I was a single mom with 2 very young girls. I completely lost my vision of who I was. I felt completely rejected, unloved, unloveable. I quickly found out why men thought that new divorcees` were easy pickings. Even men that I knew and trusted made sure that  I knew they were available. It was an awful time.

I am very grateful that I had my two girls though. However grounded I was, was due to them and their needs…but when they weren’t with me, it was very hard. A lot of tears, screaming, I think I would have committed suicide if I hadn’t had them. How very stupid! But I had a lot of learning and growing to do. God was not finished with me yet.

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2 Responses to “My Darkest Chapter”

  1. My husband and I at a couple of times in our marriage could have given up and got a divorce but for him and I, it seems quite evident that the Lord meant for us to stay together and struggle through our difficulties.

    I know this is an older of your blogs but wanted to look at several and especially at some of the older ones. I’m sure that there is much more story that comes later…Diane

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