There Are Hardly Words…Yet Someone Has to Speak…

I just finished watching the Mike Huckabee show on Fox. I didn’t even hear of the holocaust for that was what it was for those children, those teachers until late yesterday afternoon. This time I have deliberately not watched the television or read much about it, because truthfully it was more than I could process myself.  Not that Meningitis is as serious a thing as what has happened in this small town in CT, but what I have found meningitis to do to me as person is more surprising. I don’t remember this same reaction 2 years ago. It was also viral meningitis-but different virus they say. And no I can’t help it-it has to do with the immunity issue. Obviously I will no longer be able to take any immuno suppressant drugs for my RA, in fact nothing but pain pills for the moment. The doctor is afraid he might kill me with the next infection that doesn’t respond to antibiotics. Of course, I try to tell him that question, time and day are quite up to the Lord, only He knows how many days of life I have written in that Book. And mostly I have to admit that my pain is still not unbearable like it used to be. I’ve asked the Lord to heal me completely my goodness look at how well I did w/out the pain, I can only imagine what I might be like again if I were whole. To that end, I am putting it out there, that I have prayed with a man who has the gift of healing from God the Holy Spirit. I know this Spirit well, He has resided in me over 40 years and so Spirit recognizes Spirit. I think certainly the Lord expects us to test that and know what we are dealing with. I know that my encapsulated shoulder is no longer encapsulated. Before I couldn’t use the arm hardly at all. Now, it is normal. I believe that I was healed so well from the pulmonary embolism this summer because of prayer and very specific prayer for healing. My doctors said there is no sign or evidence of scarring from the embolism like they would have expected. I say Hallelujah! So with a meningitis diagnosis and a hospital ya’ll all know where I have been. I had prayed all day Saturday as it was coming on me, not for it to be so bad-but I know what His expectation is when I go. I told Him I hurt so bad, how was I going to be able to speak with anyone? that’s when He reminded me from Matthew 10:19-20 do not worry about what to say or how to say it; when the times comes you will be given what you should say.  For it will not be just you speaking, But the Spirit of your heavenly Father speaking through you.

It truly was that way. I was checked into my room about 5 am. The nurse was very nice and as she went through my history, she kept exclaiming over it and she kept telling me how positive I was about it all. I just said It’s God that makes the difference. But that was all I said. She finished asking finally and turned and began walking out of the room. When God wants you to do something, it doesn’t matter how you feel. You just have to do it. I said to her, “wait, just a minute I’ve got a question for you! So she turned back around to hear my question which was-If you meet God tonight what will  you tell him when He asks you why He should let you into His heaven? She said oh I am going to tell Him I have always wanted to be a part of all that love and goodness and that’s why. I said  You’d be a little too late. you see, you have to decide to be for Jesus or against Jesus when you are alive on earth. I gave her many scriptures I have given here before, but in my words, Jesus is speaking and saying Hey there!! I am knocking on your Door of your  Heart and if anyone hears Me and Opens the Door, I will come in to Him and I will stay with Him forever, as in never leave you, you can’t make me go either, I will love you forever and ever and ever. Aren’t those exciting words? I love knowing that Very God is living inside of me-not because I deserve it or that it’s even clean enough in there for Him. However I will tell you He has been working diligently to clean me up-areas and closets full that I didn’t know I had. But He knew and so they have to go. Well that’s a whole ‘nother topic too-so just to finish the story. I asked the nurse if she understood now how to become a part of God’s family. Oh yes, she did; I expected us to talk again that night so that I could make sure she had prayed and was sure of her commitment. But when I asked for her I was told, “she’s a floater, you won’t see her again.”  Oh that hand on my shoulder again! This time showing me it was a good thing that I had reached out when I did-no second chance there!!

 

Just A Quick Note

Today I went back on my remicaid and of course it wasn’t a moment too soon. The Lord had been so good to me these last 3 months almost  being off of the methotrexate and  the remicaid and still not hurting as He promised! and now that I am healed of the bacteria C , it was simply time for me to go back on the medicines and my body told me so in no uncertain terms last night. So this morning I was really ready. My doctor came in and checked me and reassured himself e did not have any infections currently-but did remind me if I have a bad one come back and I have to stop again, he would want to change medications. Normally my procedures are 2 hours; this time it was 4 , they let it go in so slowly, but I did well and I am better but will not be pain free until the next  one in 6 weeks.

I do ask for prayer for tomorrow though. I see a new neurologist after my comedy of errors last week. I sincerely hope he can figure things out, take me seriously and between us decide on a course of treatment  and any needed testing…

It will be a long day just as today as been and I don’t have my strength back yet. Still I continue to love how our Lord brings people into my life to talk to everyday-to encourage or witness to, or just care for. Now I have a new one. her name is Sheila. Pray that I can find her steady transportation from Brooksville to Lutz every Thurs am thru May whenever the kids are out of school. She’s never been in such as study! and would love it, I am sure.

In His Name and for His Glory, I Live to Tell His Story

Still Trusting-And For So Much More Now!

My world has changed  since I last wrote!  First my husband came in my office last week and said he was ready to move to Atlanta!! Now for those of you who do not know me or my background, I moved to Atlanta at age 16, not very happily but eventually it was home. Then in my early to mid 30′s  in 1984 it was,  we moved to Tampa. I was very happy with the move. My parents lived in Orlando and I could see about them regularly. I loved the weather and overall we have done pretty well here. However our children went home to Tampa after college and now that is where my grandchildren are. I am learning every day how short life really is and those precious moments that I could be with them, I’ve been here out of fear in some cases, because I believe I have some extraordinary doctors taking care of me and have wondered how in the world I would replace them. Of course, my Abba Father has brought this to my attention-the lack  of faith on my part that He wouldn’t help me identify the right doctors to take care of me there. And as for the cold, well, I can dress for it. But it is an easy trade to be with my girls-all of them!!

We talked about moving two or three years ago, but at that time, my husband still had that double machine in his chest and was still in a lot of pain and the cold made it worse. So after all of my plans with my wonderful boss, we scrapped it all and stayed.  And of course with the craziness of my body this past 2 years I guess this is where God wanted me to be.  Still, I am very thankful that I can work out arrangements  to continue to work for Gary and MRI, stay insured and widen my client base. I believe I can resurrect some old clients. I was just speaking with 2 of those very special ladies I did work for 10 and 11 years ago for the first time last week. It was pretty thrilling to me to be so well remembered.

Of course we can not leave until next July1 when our lease is up. I know that sounds like such a long time! But  to us and especially to my husband who will bear the brunt of the packing up and the putting back in order this lovely villa just the way we found it, he will need every day of every month that we have!  We have so loved it here. I was planning on seeing if we could sign up for 2 more years right after Christmas, so you can imagine my big surprise! But how lovely a surprise. NOW MS. DIANE, I don’t have to be the little bit jealous of you that I was with your move. I could certainly understand it. I too will be limited in how much I can do or help. which leads me to my second surprise. And this one isn’t so pleasant. I had more of what I would call a seizure coming home from church today. My husband was driving, I had started to say something, but all of a sudden my neck got rigid and my head was turning back and forth and I was saying with difficulty no, not , no, not. My right hand was holding on to the door handle-I thought if I let go of it, my arm would go flying. I don’t know that, that would be true, it was just a feeling.  This went on for a full minute-to a minute and half and now stands as the weirdest thing  that has ever happened to me. A couple of things I did notice and have continued having pain and just weird feeling with is my neck. Especially if I have it tilted down to read or I am paying attention to my hands on the keyboard too long. What I had alluded to last week physically is that I am having some similar issues with my head like I did when I had those tumors back in 2009. I don’t know that this is a reoccurance, because my neck wasn’t involved at all then, and it definitely is now. So after speaking to a sub neurologist, mine was out of town. I will be making calls in the morning and hoping to get some testing done. What I would ask you dear friends is your prayers. There is nothing, absolutely nothing like having your friends and loved ones pray for you. This may come to nothing like in March–but I know it was worse, and harder on me and God forbid that I would have been driving.  So now I have a driver for awhile! So let’s hope and pray that someone will have some answers this time.

 I will try and keep up some regular posts to let you know what’s happening. I realized with Diane not well and moving how hard it was waiting to hear. So I will try and be good about it.

The previous post was written last night. I didn’t publish because I wanted to speak to my boss, my doctor and see what was up before I sent out such a disquieting post!  The bad news is that I had another episode this morning. And I still believe that my neck is somehow involved. We did go down and see my neurologist, but unfortunately, this is not her area of expertise. She had no ideas of what to tell me to do or who to see or even what basic tests could be run-which I can guess myself what 2 basic tests would be. So my surgeon referred me to another doctor right at end of the business day so I will have to call for an appt  tomorrow.. In the meantime, I am working carefully and asking the Lord to protect us, bless us, go before us.

I AM TRUSTING HIM FOR IT ALL!

I hope and pray and trust that you have all read my previous post ‘Prologue Present Day’ and approve.

This week including last Sunday night has been a most difficult week in some ways and then in others, so exciting and celebratory, It was very hard to keep my mouth shut about some things, until I was sure of them.  You see, when I was in that clinic a week and a half a go, I was just sitting waiting for the CBC to done and praying that I wasn’t septic. I certainly had all of the signs. And then all of a sudden, the Lord God says to me, “Cindy you will not get rid of the bacterial infections that you have until you come off of the Remicaid!” If I could have screamed out loud there, I would have!  I could NOT believe that My Father who had seen me suffer so much last year when I had to be off of the medicine for 4 months, would ask me to voluntarily go off of it again. I began to “discuss” this with Him. Of course Discuss is another word for argue, and I have learned a long time ago that the Lord is going to win every argument! But STILL, this wasn’t about winning or losing  or being strong in the faith, it was simple, crippling pain. And not only that the disease itself would progress unchecked and who knew what kind harm it would do?

But then my Father said the magic words ” You don’t trust me!”  Oh yes, I do, my Father, I do. And He said, “I will take care of you through this”.  So what does that mean? Will I have no pain? Am I healed? I don’t know. I know that two great men of God had prayed for my healing.  I know that He has healed me before very miraculously and He got all the glory and honor due Him. Maybe He is going to heal me completely from RA. and/or everything else! Oh that would be a kick and maybe I wouldn’t long for heaven to be here so very soon!

Still, I did ask for confirmation from the Lord. Those were the scriptures I shared with you last week and do you know-every day since it has been one thing or another that  has continued that confirmation? I do thank Him for that because TODAY  I stepped out in Faith. I called my Rheumatologist and told him what God had told me, and retesting confirmed that I still have the bacteria.  He said you know we have to stop everything. I said “I know. but I’ll tell you on Friday why I am not crying and panicking.”  He said “Great I can’t wait to hear”. Now this is my very sweet, nicely brought up in Catholic schools all his life, Doc. But, he still hasn’t come to know my Jesus personally. I have many Catholic Christian friends as I call them, just like I have Baptist Christian friends. Your denomination means nothing to God. It is all about the relationship you have with HIM that makes the difference.  So be praying that our Lord gives me all the right words to speak to my Doctor so that he knows exactly what is happening and who I am putting my faith and trust in.

So my new side job for my book,  is editing the posts for length sometimes or repetitiveness. I have to write an outline of what I intend to include. I decided the only way I can do that is to go through each post. So while you may not see a lot of me for awhile, I may post something for everybody’s approvals or thoughts, but that is what I am working on.

With our world looking like it is going to hell in a hand basket lately, I’ve decided I at least need to be involved in the project that the Lord has given me-whether I finish it or not..

Cindy

COMFORTED

What a hard week last week was! I thought I was going to close 2 deals on Tuesday-didn’t happen—good thing is, I haven’t lost the deals-just the closings are postponed. I even got new searches from one of the clients. And I got a brand new client who has really good needs.

So why am I so blah? I think I am worn out again…just trying to catch up and still take care of everyone. I am trying to take care of me too. Today, I went back to bed and slept 3 hours! I’ve had to keep my leg elevated because of swelling and some throbbing pain-which my doc and I do not understand—with the amount of Coumadin that I am taking, I couldn’t have another clot…I don’t know. I guess I am a little frustrated…and yet I do know absolutely positively that my Lord God is in charge, directing, moving people, changing hearts… that everything that comes to me has been filtered through His fingers! But I have to admit that between the leg and the re-emergence of the C Diff! yes after 3 bouts of antibiotics! I am worn out, worn down, and just want a break!  I shared very honestly with this friend and because she understands exactly how I feel-because she has been there with some of my own diseases. The Lord has healed her, but she remembers how it feels, and this time I am the receiver of comfort:

“My heart aches for you. Indeed, there are answers in the Bible. God tells Israel that He is our Healer, and David writes in Psalm 27:14, “Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.” God is in control, and your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Your body is not your own, it was bought with a price, the priceless blood of our own dear Jesus, the Messiah. May you rest in the arms of Jesus as He tends to His friend’s body, and may you bask in Him and His presence. I’m praying for you.

Andrew Murray wrote in “Divine Healing,” “He leads us to understand that if we yield our body unreservedly to the influence of the Holy Spirit, we shall experience His power in us, and He will heal us by bringing into our body the very life of Jesus. He leads us, in short, to say with full conviction, ‘The body is for the Lord.’”

May you reflect on the power of God at work in your spirit and in your body.”

Now do you see why I am so in love with my God and Savior? Even in my “down,”  He reaches out to me from my friends, family and then His Very Own Self.

“I Talk About God Too Much” Deuteronomy 11:18-19

My 2 oldest granddaughters came to visit us last weekend.  Saturday afternoon I took the youngest one with me (7) and the oldest (9) stayed with her granddaddy. She likes helping in the kitchen and they were cutting up vegetables. Of course the Justice  store for girls was right next to my store and is the kids favorite store, so we just had to go in there , Mimi!! I was told! Lucky for me, there was a huge sale going on and also lucky for me I had learned to check  through my phone to see if there were any online coupons! There were! I scored 40% off of the total purchase which was already 40% off! Yes, I have to be cheap. I have to be a good steward this time around.  This coming week is the older one’s 10th birthday and for the first time in a long time, I was able to take her to the store and let her pick out what she wanted and what fit. The girls although close in age, are not at all the same when it comes to taste in clothes. Nor do they fit them or wear them the same!

We were on our way home when the young one says “Mimi, you talk about God too much” then she added that her sister thought so too. I asked her why she thought that. She said we just weren’t talking about regular things–I asked what regular things-so she thought about that a minute because it’s school, ballet, playdates,  I need this or that! She laughed and said yes. and said, I guess we wouldn’t talking about stuff like me and my parents talk about everyday;  and of course, I agreed with her. Then she turned the tables on me, and asked me about who made the rainbow.  By then  we had arrived home, as we got out of the car, I asked her to look at the front yard and then up in the sky and tell me all that she saw.  Of course she saw all of God’s  creation. Then I said  to her to come on  in the house, we’d get her sister and the Big Bible with pictures and talk over why I love to talk about God so much.

That was exactly what we did. First I explained that although they hadn’t known that I had been very, very sick in the last 2 years, I was.  And that just the day before they came, I had gotten out of the hospital again and yes, it was serious but God wasn’t ready for me to come to heaven yet…Like my parents …they remembered their deaths over 3 yrs ago.  So first of all I am thankful to God that I am able to be here  with you. But the most important reason that I talk about Jesus is because I love Him so much for His sacrifice for me–then we had to talk about what a sacrifice was. They got that. Then we opened the Bible to answer the question about the rainbow. So I read the whole story and of course there were a million questions, but then there are lots of  other pictures in that Bible and they wanted the story on each one of them.. When we finished, I asked now do you understand why I talk about God or Jesus so much? Yes, now they understood .  They would understand by some of my questions of them too.

The Bible has a lot to say about teaching our children. I know we can not cram it down their throats like little birds, but sometimes I wish it were so. It would certainly save a lot of heartache if one really learned the important lessons when they are young. This is the scripture that reminds how often I am to speak of the Lord to my children and their children.  Deuteronomy 11:18-19  Fix these words of mine in your hearts and mind;  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the  road, when you lie down and when you get up.    All the  time it seems I am  to be talking about my LORD GOD  to my children and their children. Jesus made that command even greater by opening up the world as brother and sister in Christ are united, then we must teach  those children too.

ANOTHER WRONG DIAGNOSIS!-2ND OPINIONS ARE ALWAYS NECESSARY

From Romans 3:2-3 (Paul had just asked what what advantage was there to being a Jew) Much in every way! FIRST OF ALL, they have been entrusted with the very words of God! What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God’s faithfulness?  Not at all!  Let God be true, and every man a liar.

The scripture I have chosen may seem a little strange to you.  But to me it says that regardless of  whether people have faith, God is faithful. This was especially important in regards to my brother in law.  Those  were praying with me for him to agree to go to Moffit for a 2nd opinion, will remember my concerns for his fatalistic attitude.

Our first appointment was 2 weeks ago last Thursday. They took a lot of blood for their own testing and talked with him about possible treatments. When we went back last Wednesday for more blood tests and a review of what they had found, we were shocked. After thinking that he had  CLL Leukemia for 3 years,  he doesn’t!

He has splenic B cell marginal zone lymphoma. This is a totally different blood cancer than the leukemia; which of course means that the chemo for the leukemia would be far different  that what will be needed for  the lymphoma. On Tuesday this coming week, he will have a bone marrow biopsy as well as a blood transfusion. (He has gotten severely anemic) Then we will all go back on the 12th. We are to get final  results,  which means for sure the name of what he has! They are still freaked! They will tell us what the latest blood results are, what the bone marrow biopsy showed and finally what treatment is recommended and hopefully everything they know about the lymphoma. The doctor we’ve been talking to and who has been ordering his tests is a CLL Leukemia Doc and we hope to be moved to a  Splenic B Cell marginal zone lymphoma doc.

So again, all I can say is that I am so very thankful to our Lord for HIS faithfulness. I was reading earlier today in Isaiah-yes, my favorite book! and there it said The Lord has NEVER broken a covenant with His people, but His people have broken every covenant with Him.  So  this week  I ask you my friends and fellow believers to pray again for him-for that breakthru- to-for the right doctor, for all of the remaining tests to go well.

Here is a second time in our family that a second opinion has perhaps made a life and death difference.  I  think that everyone with a serious condition or looking at a surgery should get a second opinion.

LYMPH NODES-SPLEEN: SPLENIC INVOLVEMENT BY FOLLICULAR LYMPHOMA This illustration depicts the classic appearance of spleen involved by follicular lymphoma, namely the presence of discrete, miliary, small, white “pearly” nodules throughout the whole parenchyma. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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HERE ARE MY NOMINATIONS FOR THE MRS. SPARKLY’S AWARD

I have chosen after MUCH thought 6 bloggers who have influenced me and encouraged me and I thought were deserving of such a high falutin’ reward as this one. So here is the award, here is what you must do with it, and lastly my nominations.

You must choose 5-10  bloggers that you think exemplify Mrs Sparkly. Known for being very elegant and having high expectations, who is committed to maintaining integrity, good manners and behavior, ..as well as a rich sense of humor.

Rules: Answer the following ten questions and nominate the 5-10 blogs that you think deserve the award.

1. Describe yourself in seven words.
2. What keeps you up at night?
   

   Mrs Sparklys’s Award

3. Whom would you like to be?
4. What are you wearing now?
5. What scares you?
6. What are the best and worst things about blogging?
7. What was the last website you looked at?
8. If you could change on thing about yourself, what would it be?
9. Slankets, yes or no?
10. Tell us something about the person who nominated you.

 

1. joyce–http://joycedevivre.wordpress.com
2. Jo–http://momentumofjoy.com
3. Sandy –http://lbtk.wordpress.com
4. jen–http://jennifershope.wordpress.com
5. dee–http://lilliessparrowsandgrass.com
6. debra–http://tellgodthankyou.wordpress.com

If there were an encourager award, I would be sending one of those to each of

Mrs Sparkly’s Award

you. It is because of your belief in me and incouragement in my writing along with

lot’s of how to’s that I am writing more than ever today and now feel that God has

given me a ministry than I can go out into the world with His words without

actually going out and endangering my life all the while making a difference in 

someone else’s. I do stand in awe of you ladies! I am privileged to call you friends

and encouragers.  I am sure that our Lord has a special crown for you in heaven that is even better than 

Mrs. Sparkly’s, but she will have to do right now!

A NEW AWARD!! READER APPRECIATION!!

 

AKA THE ENCOURAGEMENT AWARD

Many thanks http://writerwannabe763.wordpress. com

A CHILD OF MY HEART

Brand new 2 (Photo credit: Andreas-photography)

I was recently asked to write about my experience with adoption. I had written a little of this in an earlier post, if it sounds a little familiar. 

In  1974, I was 22 years old and had an emergency hysterectomy. I was told how fortunate I was that I was already married and had a child. But I didn’t feel very fortunate! I had wanted 3 or 4 children, now that was obviously not to be. I wasreally confused. I thought that I had done everything in the world that would make God choose to bless me. He Had with the miracle birth of our daughter who was 13 months old at the time, but I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong. Oh I had so much to learn!!

 But then in January 1976, in my quiet time of the morning, He spoke to me through scripture and told me to “prepare for the child He was going to give us!” I was thrilled, excited, overwhelmed and yes, scared all at the same time. Scared because what if I was imagining this? And if it is true, how were we going to pay for it?—minor details I hadn’t worried about when I was praying my desire! Still, I did what God said to do. I prepared.

We got down the crib and the baby clothes from the attic. And I washed and ironed everything. Put the clothes and blankets away in the drawers. Had the crib all set up, made curtains for a nursery and created that room for the baby to come. I know everyone thought I was nuts, but humored me.   

 Then in April I got a phone call from a friend. She had a friend who was pregnant and wanted to give up her child for adoption. Would we be interested??  Oh yes! We would be interested I told her and explained exactly how prepared we were and would she please tell the birth mother this. It might make her feel better knowing that this child was not an accident, but planned for me.

 Our daughter was born in the early morning of August the 8^th.  She came early by a couple of weeks, so I was surprised when I got the call from our attorney (who was the go between). He said your new daughter looks just like you! She has dark hair and eyes and dimples in the same place as yours! He was amazed because of course there was no matching, but here was a baby who looked more like me than my natural child (blonde/blue eyed, and tall-she does have the dimples too). And let me insert here that years later, I am 5’4 and she is 5/2 ½ while my oldest is 5’8. My natural child has a very laid back personality and goes with the flow, but the child of my heart? We are just alike! Emotional, extroverted, service oriented. She has her own story to tell of how she has arrived at 35, almost 36 a professional nanny who specializes in ADHD children and multiples; who finally got everything straight with the Lord who protected her from the moment of her conception-because He had a plan for her life; who has been on 2 mission trips in South America to share the Good News of Jesus Christ and this year will go to Haiti.

 I could tell you that raising a child of your heart is easy, but I do not lie. And unfortunately for my child, her adoptive father left and divorced me when she was 2.

I married again when she was almost 4 and my husband has been her dad for the most part. She tried very hard in her teen years to live with her adoptive Dad, but there were so many issues on both sides, that it didn’t work. When she came home again, she brought the same problems with her and I certainly hadn’t learned the lessons I needed to learn that I have learned by now. So we all struggled, but we all loved, there was never any question of that on either side. I just kept praying and holding on to God’s promises that He has a plan for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11) I knew He had saved her life for a special purpose. It may be to be that all important nanny. It may be that all important person who leads a seeking heart to Jesus. I don’t know. I do know The ONE Who Holds The Future and I am convinced that nothing can separate us from Him and His plan for us and His commitment to finish the work He began in us…whatever it takes.